Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Chimes


Searching,

For the right words,

The right verbs,

And herds of ambition,

Without bringing on superstition.

In my vision,

I still have no beginning,

Haven’t felt like I was winning,

Since the days I was still in,

High school.

For that shit I was too cool,

Guess that’s why I’m not now,

Just another name to be forgot,

Let that happen to me?

I will not.

Can you imagine that though?

No place to call home,

No one blowing up your phone,

No expression to moan,

To somebody,

Just a nobody,

Well,

A taken for granted body,

Embodied by a soul,

With a sense of direction,

That’s has yet to take hold,

I was told,

“You’ll regret those decisions when you’re old.”

That’s gold.

Now I’m beaten,

Battered,

But bold.

Although not yet sold,

On any one path,

I will blast through the aftermath,

As I lay to rest the rest of my breath,

It seems I’m a bit short in fact,

It won’t last,

This panic attack,

It’s not back,

Just relax,

Take a deep,

Dive into another ride through the spirals of your mind,

Wanna get known?

Find the rhymes,

Find the chimes,

Find the…time.

No one has enough,

When we loose one another,

A sister or a brother,

Father or a mother,

All we seem to be able to do is just wonder,

Was I there enough?

Speak to them enough?

Show them that we care?

Enough.

No sad sulking tears,

No,

Not for the loved ones,

But our fears,

As we drown the mounds of our frowns,

And lay to rest the people we miss now,

We may start to hear sounds,

Its them speaking,

Telling us to stop drinking,

Do more thinking,

“You’ll find that beginning.”

I can still hear,

The ones we love and miss so dear,

They feel so near,

Maybe I’m in the wrong gear,

Need to shift,

Perspectives,

I’m invested,

I’ve Ingested,

Many maddening motivations,

Molded by monopolized,

People,

Ones talked about too much.

Maybe I’m too stuck,

On the girl I want to fuck,

And the thoughts I try to duck.

But I’m in luck,

With such a wonderful view,

I’m up to nothing that’s new,

But now this poem is quite…

Through.


NV. – written on June 20th, 2018 started @ 9:57 p.m. finished @ 10:30 p.m.

Just found myself in unable to obtain something truly wanted. Dealing with the fatigue of wonder and regret, not for anything major, but some small decisions that led to an inability to obtain said thing, with is more of an experience than a thing, but that’s irrelevant at this point. Just, take it from me, try to set goals you can obtain, don’t lead yourself into temptations that are inaccessible obligations. It can lead to this thing we call disappointment, I like to think of it as, failure to achieve expectations. But this is where I shall contradict myself, I try to not dwell or let my mind contract any, misleading, sad, obstructing or unsatisfactory feelings, thoughts or emotions. This is almost impossible for anyone of course, but in this case, I’m a bit caught up in mental states I’d rather feel the comfort in being able to overcome, but I can’t. I’m bummed, disappointed and have found a lack of achievement towards an expected experience…this poem is the result of me trying to put that…mindset into words. I suppose besides explaining here, but I don’t think I was aware of all of this until after the poem, funny how expression brings us closer to our problems and solutions…have a nice day. – S.F.

Poem things, Unfinished songs

Rough “Psycho” cover “Ghost Mode”


I hate this thing called ‘Ghost mode’,
I hate that I just dont know,
How the hell you’re doin’,
And how the hell your feelin’,
Wanna be with you while we’re sleepin’,
Are you even dreamin’,

Are you ok,
Are you fine,
How long do you need this time,
Something about this round just dont feel right,
Wish I could sit with you through the night,
But now I’m loosin all my might,
Wanna turn this whole thing around,
Wanna here you make all those sounds,
But now I’m loosin all my might,
Loosin all my might.

I hate this thing called ‘Ghost mode’,
I hate that I just don’t know,
How the hell you’re doin’,
And how the hell you’re feelin’,
Wanna be with you while we’re sleepin’,
Are you even dreamin’,

I saw you almost everyday for so long,
Now it’s just me and these songs,
Take another toke out of my bong,
Try and live for the moment,
But it feels like im living wrong
I can try and live for the moment,
But without you by my side,
I just wanna hit the rode and ride,
Take all my time,
Find my life,
Make some rhymes,
Maybe bring you back to mine,
Bring you back to mine,

I hate this thing called ‘Ghost mode’,
I hate that I just don’t know,
How the hell you’re doin’,
And how the hell you’re feelin’,
Wanna be with you while we’re sleepin’,
Are you even dreamin’,

I hate this thing called ‘Ghost mode’,
I hate that I just don’t know,
How the hell you’re doin’,
And how the hell you’re feelin’,
Wanna be with you while we’re sleepin’,
Are you even dreamin’,
Wanna just know how you’re feelin’,
How you’re feelin’.


NV. – written on May 8th, 2018 started @ 10:02 a.m. finished @ 10:27 a.m.

Was just listening to some Post Malone this morning and some words hit me. Typed them down and put them here…that is all. Its a rough draft, but I’ll work on this one later like some other ones, for now I will follow my train of thought and enter a new experience for the day. Thank you for viewing the randomness on here, have a nice day who ever you are. – SF.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Mending


Broke my body,
so I mend my head,
exersise the things inside my mind that make me glad,
Reveal unknown truths about you and I,
Turn around the feelings we feel right now,
Feel alive for the moment and sit back down,
Calm your thoughts and complications,
Disassociate the distractions,
While reacting to the actions,
Of a master of being plastered,
Im a dissaster,
or maybe just too revealing of what I think,
Let that sink in,
That insecurity of wheather I should say this or if someone else has said it better,
Forget it, let it go for the moment that you’re owning,
Loose control when the world has you whirling,
Winding around a wheel of emotional impressions,
And the interpretations of the people present with the sessions,
Discussing what is known and what is not for the sake of instructions,
To instruct another with the wonder we’re all blessed with,
Connect with your connections and create a new consciousness,
Never limit one another by the definitions that we’re dressed in,
Now meditate for the sake of seeking grace or some greetings,
From the deepest parts of you and the way you think the world is,
Find answers to things you didnt know you were asking,
And reacting with passion and positivity while you just keep on basking,
Flow with the rhythm that keeps the memories drifting,
Allow for new thoughts and new things to start shifting
Somber seductions of your own mind will guide you through the process,
Releaving all of your problems,
Leaving you entraced in the nonsense.
make some sense of the things that we may sense,
To interpret our reality and change it without formality
Forming functions better than bad habits and duality,
But through this discussion we can assume reprecution,
I’ll amend with the systems when I want to try and function.
Fun things are found more frequent now than ever before,
Lifes doors have opened for new people and places,
This is true for any being that seeks that same truth,
Trust when I say this can happen for you.


NV. – written on May 7th, 2018 started @ 12:06 a.m. finished @ 12:46 a.m.

Poem things, Unfinished songs

Shame


“Blaze it up 420”, yeah say it loud,
Why do we say these things like we are proud?
Is it the so called culture appropriated lies,
Or just another attempt to get between some thighs?

I dont know, why should I care.
Im one in the same,
Full of feelings that I wanna express,
And I live with my shame.

I said I dont know, why should you care,
You are one in the same,
Do you have feelings that you wanna express?
Do you live with your shame?

Will you ask, what is this life all about,
Have you thought about it now?
Should we be the person that we see,
Or be the one we wanna be?

I dont know, why should I care.
Im one in the same,
Full of feelings that I wanna express,
And I live with my shame.

I said I dont know, why should you care,
You are one in the same,
Do you have feelings that you wanna express?
Do you live with your shame?

Grow a mustache just for fun,
Curl it up to be someone,
Have your hair up in a bun,
It doesnt matter how you run.
This is your life,
And its time I think you won.

Now, who are we, who are you,
Tell me what you wanna do,
Will you turn this life around,
Find a way to make you found?

I dont know, why should I care.
Im one in the same,
Full of feelings that I wanna express,
And I live with my shame.

I say we dont know, why should we care,
We are one in the same,
We have feelings that we wanna express.
Yeah, we live with our shame.
I said, we all wanna express,
And we live with our shame.
I just wanna express,
That I live with my shame.


NV. – writen on April 24th, 2018 started @ 12:13 a.m. finished @ 1:12 a.m.

I’d lile to say thank you to all the viewing and liking to my post, it brings me to joy thinking that someone out there may feel connected or correlated to what I express here in any way. I’d shout out the ones who inspire me to write, but don’t want to come of a cliché or un cultured. The inspiration I feel comes from so many artist, known and unknown, different forms of art and life. I wish to experience all walks, ways and wonders of the world by the end of my path on this planet and wish through the expression now and many forms to come in the future, will help me connect with thos many walks. Thank you, feel free to comment, share, share a follow for follow maybe, jus be yourself, thats what is most important, no matter how you that you need to be, never be someone else, take care now.

-SF.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

10 Years


I stumble through the pictures of you on my phone,

Never keep them in one folder,

That would be too easy to delete drunk, fuck that,

I want to keep them,

See them whenever I settle for nothing better than what we had together,

Even though you went through hell and back,

Id never bet the stacks I don’t have against the love we once had,

We had the purest kind of love but the kind that you could not stand,

All those feelings you had, the feelings that felt mad,

Not angry, but crazy,

Because we went through shit we should not have,

All of those times where we got sad,

your love was the only fucking that thing I thought that I did have,

I can say that out loud and it makes me a little bit more glad,

I gave up just about every single person that came back,

Into my life when they needed me,

Abandoned them all just to find that we still couldn’t be,

Simply serious for more than a moment between breaths,

I needed your heart when you need my loves rest,

If I ever go back in time you’re damn right I would change paths,

Find a way to make you feel like the girl you wanna be known as,

Not the girl that my definition finds hopeless and broken,

So lost she don’t it know but rather control it she’s left me unknowing,

If we will ever keep growing,

This love hasn’t stopped slowing showing,

Showing submissive similes to try and create some history,

participating in the pondering while pandering about possibly,

Having not hurt you enough for you to attempt to forget about me,

The last thing you said would be,

“I don’t want anything to do with you.”

10 years down the drain, Babe, I guess I can try too.

But fuck these emotions that this part of our path puts us through,

All I wanted was peace,

Now I’m struck with the blues,

Fucking up all of these love songs that I post here for you,

As if my brain is still stuck on you too,

Not only my heart to you has been glued,

She has encapsulated my entire existence,

Not only for in this instance,

But like in our paths,

We love far in the distance.

From distractions deep in the reaction you would give me,

When Id be free for a moment you’d know that I’d be happy and simply,

Content with my friends and then you would hate me instinctively,

Find a text on my phone the next day telling me you will end this completely,

Erase me and our history now have fun while you miss we.

Is this even real, in these feelings that feel as cold as steel,

Like the coat of armor on her heart,

I start to try to peel back the plate,

To expose the parts of her heart that make her great,

It was when she loved hard that she was in the right place,

Get right up in my face when she was feeling fate,

Sweep right under her feet and drag her out the gate,

Of redemptions for the reconnection with resonating reason,

Found deep in the beliefs that being free from me would let her be,

Away from the thoughts and memories of me,

That’s just not how this works.

Even if you forget me first,

I still have every fucking picture of you to quench my thirst,

Do you even think that we will ever learn,

To take back what we’ve earned, look far away and chose to turn away,

From one another, 10 years down the road and no one stands above her,

In my mind, she’s my lover,

For now and ever,

No matter how far,

From one another,

My love will be there,

And just to be fair,

I know that she won’t care.


NV. – written on April 18th-19th, 2018 started on the 18th around 2 a.m. finish on the 19th around 12:00 a.m.

As before, I thank you for being here, supporting, criticizing, viewing, sharing, whatever you may find yourself doing before, during and after reading these blogs. I do appreciate every bit of traffic I am receiving as it definitely makes for motivation to continue in the future. This piece is an unfinished song/ spoken word poetry thing, I have worked on music/ a beat to put behind but find I lack the current skill to find the sound I am looking for. With that said, I am always open to edits, ideas, changes people would think wise, I am here to find criticism, creativity, and collaboration. Feel free to say what you’d like. This was written during and after looking through older photos of a lady I was with for a long time. Someone I am not afraid to say that I still have deep feelings for, I mean, even through pain it is hard to forget someone you shared 10 years with. Although it may seem like a bit of an obsession, these…blogs, the ones about this lady, are just my way of expressing the deeper thoughts about her inside of my head that seem easier to put out there in text, maybe someday songs if everything goes as planned. With that said, I hope that builds a bit of context around this piece and others like it. Thank you for your time here today. Feel free to ask any questions, I am happy to answer. – SF.