Poem things

Split

1:15 am

Why does my mind seem seemingly split,
At this point I will just accept this bit,
There’s nowhere to belong,
No goal to livelong,
As I try not to forget myself,
I hope I can be quite headstrong.

And my mind is usually using risk,
Its about time that I make peace with this,
Whenever I’m gone,
Or expressing all wrong,
I will be right beside you,
Like I’ve been all along.

But I feel my mind loosely loosing grip,
By now I should be fine with it,
No matter how long,
How independently strong,
My motivations all end,
Like the last beat of a song.

S.F. – 05_25_2021 – 1:40 am

Poem things

Learning

8:15 pm

I’ve been binge drinking,
Willfully,
Unwisely,
Its unlikely,
That I’ll end this pattern nicely.

My time is most spent thinking,
Deeply,
Increasingly,
Creating more and more,
Neurological connections kindly.

I often seek the epitome of greatness,
Nervously,
Mistakenly,
Most definitely with a will,
That will always guide me corectly.

8:34 pm – S.F. – 05/15/2021

Poem things

Let us Sleep

You fucking own my dreams,
Could you please,
Give them back to me.
I cannot sleep,
With out seeing,
Your fucking face,
Endlessly.

This is not a poem,
But it is a plea,
For just one night,
Could you set me free.
Let me dream,
Please let me sleep,
Peacefully.

You told me to leave,
You shut me out,
Now you own my mind,
Without a doubt.
What was my crime,
To deserve this right,
I just want to sleep,
For one whole night.

SF. 03-13-2021 _ 9:30 a.m.

Poem things

Forget Me

I haven’t been the best to myself,

It’s been rough since you left,

Scorn decisions,

Poor resistance,

Torn persistence,

More constrictions,

Have me barley breathing baby,

You dance through my dreams daily,

Frolicking through this rotting reality,

But not even you could save me,

And if you haven’t already,

You’ll soon forget me.

So I’ll write you these confessions,

Try to take loosing you as a lesson,

Even if it’s just my mind melting,

All the little lies remembering,

There’s no more time to recover,

No more ways I can love her.

So I’ll remember what I can,

Rebuild this man that I am,

Seek a greater purpose,

Leave this mentality with a circus,

Turn these motives into bliss,

Remind myself that it’s not only you I miss.

Because…

I haven’t been the best to myself,

It’s been rough since you left,

Scorn decisions,

Poor resistance,

Torn persistence,

More constrictions,

Have me barley breathing baby,

You dance through my dreams daily,

Frolicking through this rotting reality,

But not even you could save me,

And if you haven’t already,

You’ll soon forget me.

Because…

I haven’t been the best to myself,

It’s been rough since you left,

Scorn decisions,

Poor resistance,

Torn persistence,

More constrictions,

Have me barley breathing baby,

You dance through my dreams daily,

Frolicking through this rotting reality,

But not even you could save me,

And if you haven’t already,

You’ll soon forget me.


S.F. – 07/23/2020 – 2:15 a.m.

Poem things

A Little Lost

I’m still thinking about all the shit we’ve been through,

Although seeing you is no longer a truth,

I was trapped in my thoughts,

Too high to be committed,

To all the thing I’ll be missing,

Couldn’t settle down or just fucking listen,

Had a temper that lasted only a minute,

Only a minute.

Being too focused on living in the moment,

Caused me to look past the love I should have been showing,

I was living slow but that’s no reason to talk shit,

All those mistakes are really making me feel sick,

Making me feel sick now.

You were the one but I treated you wrong,

Had way too big of a head,

Now I’m just singing sad songs,

Couldn’t give you what was yours all along,

A little bit of space,

Or all of my time,

Now instead of holding you,

I’ll be holding these rhymes.

Maybe I’m all wrong and these aren’t the facts,

But I had you first while you had my heart last,

Treated you like shit,

Pulled you out of your class,

Made myself look like a total ass,

But what it means now is that I’m hitting the gas,

Running 2,000 miles away to forget the past.

To try and forget the past.

Yet it’s all right here with me,

There’s no way to escape,

I still think about the times that were all really great,

It might be a joke or pathetic at least,

But holding on to them is my only form of release.

Nothing I can do will bring me back to you,

You put up a wall after all of those fights,

Told me not to call,

Probably blocked me too,

But when it’s all said and done I’m still in love with you,

Still in love with your smile and the way you’d look through,

Most of my faults or the wrongs I would do,

Now it’s up to you to see that my hate wasn’t true,

It was just a reaction to when I was loosing you,

When I was loosing you.

SF – 09-06-2019 @ 6:00 a.m.

Poem things

Relevancy

I still see you while I’m sleeping,

I still feel you,

Although I’m fleeing,

Fleeing from fears formed through forgotten failures,

Fears that are no longer present,

Yet your presence is now more than prominent.

It’s been close to year since you cut those ties,

Casted shadows over what you thought were lies,

I may have been wrong in what went on,

May have sang all the wrong songs,

But what you knew and I know,

Have been different all along.

You stole from me the very thing I loved true,

By ridiculing me through and through,

Now I sit here 2000 miles away,

Still hoping I’ll see you some day,

Is that crazy?

Am I still forsaken by your individuality,

Or am I still stuck in my own washed up warped sense of this brutal reality.

I guess that’s just not up to me,

You see,

From the very beginning,

I never imagined winning you over,

I never envisioned that you’d stay,

But what we think and what we want,

Hardly ever match up anyway.

SF- 8-18-19

Poem things

Unintended Pain

Your heart wasn’t worth breaking,

If I’m not mistaken,

I played and I changed and I stayed,

And I made as much as I could,

To withstand all that we should,

But I failed and I failed and I failed.

To commit to the consequences,

To believe in things that mattered,

Rather I continued to dismantle,

Ever foundation that had their chances,

To withstand the demand,

Of my poor choices,

Turned out I turned our feelings into noises.

I’m sorry for never knowing what was next,

Making moments turn to demons,

And letting my ignorance be at its best.

I never meant to break your heart,

I never meant to fail right from the start,

The pain you still likely feel is as real,

As every emotion that I still try to kill.

I’m consumed by the fact that I will,

Forever and always just be this moment,

That you never should have had to feel.

My intentions were faltered,

I can’t blame it on age,

Inexperience,

Lack of understanding,

Or rage.

I need to accept that it was my simple ways,

Inability to read you and help your bad days.

On top of the changes that I should have made.

At this point it’s worthless,

To apologize or wait,

For retribution,

Confusion,

Or a chance to close space.

Just know that I never meant to,

Cause you this pain.

SF- 1-14-19

Poem things

Substance Abuse

Always searching,
Always learning,
Always lurking,
For a purpose,
To propose a little interest,
Maybe invest.
In more than rocks and incense,
My spirituality had its limits,
Still I seek to be permissive,
Do you get this?
I conceptualize complete control,
While working towards freedom for my soul,
I seek a fortunate future,
While never setting any goals,
It’s a complicated role,
And I’m willing to take the toll.

This longing has got to go,
It is always,
One more,
Two lines,
Being blind,
To restrictions,
Moderations,
Yet my conscious seems to believe it’s,
All part of a bigger picture to believe in,
As my memories start to bleed thin,
I realize all of this,
Is just one singular moment of bliss,
Something I’ll soon start to miss,
When the melody sings,
And everything settles into what it seems,
No matter what type of depression,
Is bursting from these seams.

SF-1-14-19

Poem things

Succubus


They say ignorance is bliss,
So why as I go mindless?
Is it her whispers that I miss,
Her tricks,
Her wits.
I can sit with this.
But I cant seem to forget,
That I knew she had my heart,
From the first day that we met.

Stolen is how it seems,
Because it has never been my choice,
No matter how loud I turn up the noise,
She still roams in all of my dreams,
Turns on and off my emotions,
And plays with my heart strings,
But she’s nowhere to be seen.
Nowhere but inside my mind now it seems.

Forsaken me is what she’s done,
I started a battle I could never have won.
The parasitic after effects,
From a love that felt as hot as the sun,
Will feed off of me,
Just like the succubus that she was.
Funny how I still believe it’s love.


SF- 12-22-18

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Problems


I see that everyone has problems,

That’s not the problem, see,

How am I supposed to feel sympathetically,

When I’m involved with a blinding,

Overwhelming consistency,

Of underwhelming contingencies.

Oh it’s easy, “get therapy”,

As if paying for help is worth more than a friend who will listen for free.

Who the hell wants to listen to me,

Everyone has problems,

That’s not the problem, see,

I try to imagine my mind living happily,

But it’s just stays still in progression,

And runs wild through regressions.

So what’s the point in another session,

If I will have nothing to mention.

Everyone has problems,

That’s not the problem, see,

I can’t make every conversation about me,

Everyone has an issue to share,

Or a memory to bear,

And in those moments we truly can care.

Yet it’s the time spent alone,

That makes life feel completely unfair.

If only we had a way to feel a little less scared.


SF – written on Dec. 18th, 2018 @ 4:30 p.m.