Poem things

Unintended Pain

Your heart wasn’t worth breaking,

If I’m not mistaken,

I played and I changed and I stayed,

And I made as much as I could,

To withstand all that we should,

But I failed and I failed and I failed.

To commit to the consequences,

To believe in things that mattered,

Rather I continued to dismantle,

Ever foundation that had their chances,

To withstand the demand,

Of my poor choices,

Turned out I turned our feelings into noises.

I’m sorry for never knowing what was next,

Making moments turn to demons,

And letting my ignorance be at its best.

I never meant to break your heart,

I never meant to fail right from the start,

The pain you still likely feel is as real,

As every emotion that I still try to kill.

I’m consumed by the fact that I will,

Forever and always just be this moment,

That you never should have had to feel.

My intentions were faltered,

I can’t blame it on age,

Inexperience,

Lack of understanding,

Or rage.

I need to accept that it was my simple ways,

Inability to read you and help your bad days.

On top of the changes that I should have made.

At this point it’s worthless,

To apologize or wait,

For retribution,

Confusion,

Or a chance to close space.

Just know that I never meant to,

Cause you this pain.

SF- 1-14-19

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Poem things

Succubus


They say ignorance is bliss,
So why as I go mindless?
Is it her whispers that I miss,
Her tricks,
Her wits.
I can sit with this.
But I cant seem to forget,
That I knew she had my heart,
From the first day that we met.

Stolen is how it seems,
Because it has never been my choice,
No matter how loud I turn up the noise,
She still roams in all of my dreams,
Turns on and off my emotions,
And plays with my heart strings,
But she’s nowhere to be seen.
Nowhere but inside my mind now it seems.

Forsaken me is what she’s done,
I started a battle I could never have won.
The parasitic after effects,
From a love that felt as hot as the sun,
Will feed off of me,
Just like the succubus that she was.
Funny how I still believe it’s love.


SF- 12-22-18

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Contemplating Comfort

Seeing comfort and carelessness,
Caress anxiety and impression-less,
Situations that fill the rest,
Of an empty mess,
In a burial ground,
For thoughts in test,
Or times to bless,
So that we forget less.

But what’s to blame,
Is the my last name,
The games we played,
The towns we tamed,
The nights we raid,
The sounds un-sang,
One way or another,
We both get payed,
Or laid,
By the grief and satisfaction,
In the moments of our reactions.

When we blast back,
To see our backpack,
Of problems and potential,
To see how essential,
It is to manage your mind,
Appreciate your time,
And sustain the relatable,
Undebatable creational,
Representation,
Of your self and more.

It is easy to loose yourself,
In the lonliness of openness,
Or the helplessness,
Of pretentiousness,
For its a bottomless chest,
Filled with the unimpressed,
Zest-less messed with,
Undefined guessing,
Designed for undressing,
Molten memories,
Masked for mistaking.

Its all a changing,
Sightless and hopelessly,
Forgetful happening,
That is beginning to exsist with me,
Even though we’re divided clean,
My thoughts are still tormenting,
As I’m told to be expressingly,
Open to anything,
As if reality has found a seam,
To the dimensions of my dreams.

Now caught in a scene,
An acted misery,
Or a faithful blistering,
Battle with what i mean,
As i write these dreadful pleas,
To contract a little glee,
Now I’m free,
As i enter the limiting,
End to simple deeds,
This is me,
Expressing whole heartedly,
Investing all my needs,
In art and poetry.


NV. – written on July 8th-9th, 2018 started @ 9:47 p.m. on the 8th, re-visited and finished on the 9th from 3:57-4:46 p.m.

Poem things, Unfinished songs

See You Soon


Lil peep said it best,

“I would scream your name with my last breath”,
I can’t get over this,
My memories are yours for controlling,
You know why?
Even though I’m not right for us,
I want no one else.

But,
When you love someone that loves you last,
That love falls into the past,
The root of your pain,
I pushed you away
Never knowing what to say.
We were always so complicated,
Missunderstanding and feelings,
Left unknown and unwanted.

I always wanted to help you shine,
When i had to chance to call you mine,
It didnt matter how bad things got,
You made everything feel just right.
Made everything disapear into bliss
Its the person that you are that I miss.
Not the feelings I list.

Will you ever see things the way I do
I couldnt hate you even if I tried,
No matter the problems,
I just want you to share them,
With me, connecting and relating
Even if life gets draining.

I’ll write poem after poem,
Loose myself in piece after piece,
But until you recapture my heart,
My life, it falls apart.
definable by dissapointment,
I dissatisfied you beyond belief.

But now, these words go out to you,
So you know even as I forgot myself,
It was you who kept me here,
Couldn’t leave this life without you near.
For now I’ll just keep tipping this beer,
Ill see you soon or in the end of my years.


NV. – written on April 8th, 2018 started @ 1:37 p.m. finished @ 2:00 p.m.

Poem things

Fleeing


It has always been
You and me

You and me

But at times
I am way to consumed

By myself

At this point
There is nothing that

Helps

You fled so very far
I am sorry

I failed us

Could have tried harder

Harder than you can foresee

But not hard

Not hard enough

She had it
Had my heart

It is still hers
But she no longer

Holds it

She’s trying to forget
All that’s my fault

I feel like fleeing

Fleeing from this
I can no longer

Handle it

The misinterpretations
The breaks

I’m broken

and breaking,

By the separation
Of us

She made me
Turned into

My bliss

Now without her

I’m sick.


NV. Written on April 1st, 2018 started @ 9:45 a.m. finished @ 8:21 p.m.

Drawings-Handlettering, Poem things

Progression


A few photos to show a bit of the process, I wasn’t planning anything with this other than I knew the words I wanted in it and there needed to be a moon somehow integrated into it. Hope you enjoy and remember it’s never too late to say hello. Also, there’s a bit of irony in a mistake I made during the drawing of this, let me know if you find it.

It reads:

And you were just like the moon, so lonely, so full of imperfections. But just like the moon, you shined in times of darkness. – author unknown



Thanks for making it this far. Feel free to ask questions or tell me what you think, I’d really like to hear. Have a nice day.


NV. – Drawn on March 30th-31st, 2018 started @ 9:45 p.m finished @ 5:30 a.m.