Poem things

Relevancy

I still see you while I’m sleeping,

I still feel you,

Although I’m fleeing,

Fleeing from fears formed through forgotten failures,

Fears that are no longer present,

Yet your presence is now more than prominent.

It’s been close to year since you cut those ties,

Casted shadows over what you thought were lies,

I may have been wrong in what went on,

May have sang all the wrong songs,

But what you knew and I know,

Have been different all along.

You stole from me the very thing I loved true,

By ridiculing me through and through,

Now I sit here 2000 miles away,

Still hoping I’ll see you some day,

Is that crazy?

Am I still forsaken by your individuality,

Or am I still stuck in my own washed up warped sense of this brutal reality.

I guess that’s just not up to me,

You see,

From the very beginning,

I never imagined winning you over,

I never envisioned that you’d stay,

But what we think and what we want,

Hardly ever match up anyway.

SF- 8-18-19

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Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

6 feet deep

I watched my sister mourn an ex that over dosed,
My father cry when his own mother croaked,
Watched my mother too when her father died after loosing the woman that he loved the most,
I also lost a sister to epilepsy, that shit is fucked up,
She’s was all alone, found naked in her bath tub.
Before all that I lost an uncle that would change my mom forever,
Loosing her brother first when she thought she’d never,
Ever have to spread his ashes farther than his love had casted.
I’m just reacting to the retracting of my memories.
So many memories of all of those who were meant to be,
Alive right now even though there are no remedies,
For the pain of loss and death that has forsaken me.
Just let me replace the bodies that were taken all too soon,
Let me be the face up in that bright old moon.
Looking down upon all of those who have been hurting too.
Those thinking about the ones they’ve lost,
Thinking about the memories you’ve tried to toss,
While search for a simple way to smile,
Maybe if we fake it our cheeks might hold up a while,
Get us down that god damn road another meaningless mile.
While acting wild and riled up to take a crack at happiness,
But if we’re redirecting our minds away from
death and sadness,
Id rather slip and fall into a pit of madness,
Loose my faith in life and love,
Like a dirty rotten mattress,
With a mistress that’s been laughed at.
Because,
All these deaths are haunting me,
As I think it should be me,
6 feet underneath the dirt below my knees.

SF – written on December 17th, 2018 @ 10 a.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Rope


This is to all you privileged,

Self righteous faceless fuckers,

Never have known seldomness,

Never have had a helpless mother.

Or an unsuccessful father,

From a family that’s a bother,

Without money for our problems.

We never had a way to stop them,

Payments after payments,

Do you know what day to day is?


They all say “I’m so alone”,

Yet you sit and stare straight at your phones,

Full of people that you chose,

Nah, you don’t even fucking know,

I bet they’ve never been this low.

Take a look at all my limbs,

All you’ll see are scars and broken bones.

From where I have had to go,

The limits of my patience,

And all the damage I now know.


You don’t wanna know what’s it’s like,

To have to re erase your soul,

Over and over again,

Changing faces as you go,

Never knowing who you’ve been,

Who you should be,

Or if you’ll ever have some kin.

Always feeling unimportant,

And as if you’ll never quite fit in.

If only I could find my ending,

But that’s simply where it will all begin.


Now I hear everyone may be feeling insane,

Still they all know growth and gains,

Never felt full of real sick shame,

Still it’s my kind of people who get the blame,

We may all have a heritage,

But some of us have no names.

No fortune and no fame,

Less opportunistic change,

More redirected rage,

Our society is nothing more than a corporately constructed cage.

Built on laws and governments that are simply meant to take,

All its citizens hopes and dreams,

Monetary values and everything in between.


I bet all of you have had some help,

Probably never really hurt,

Never screamed and never yelled,

For more than materials or your wealth,

Always had a sense of love,

From any one of the beings up above,

Yeah, they’ve never had it rough.

Always had just enough.

What happens when hope takes off its gloves,

Smacks you right across your face,

And asks, “how’s it feel to forget love, never have anything to dream of?”


Have you ever actually been homeless,

Or hopeless,

Remotely contained,

Or throat less,

Had no voice to portray,

Or not felt,

But actually been worthless?

I was told life is game,

That makes me feel lifeless.

As if it’s something to be tamed,

What a joke,

It’s meant for those rich,

And those famed.


So when you sit there,

Do nothing but assume,

As if you could even have a clue,

Don’t begin to think you will understand,

Any of the feelings that I’ve been through,

Or what I have had to do.

Everybody’s life is little different,

And I wish that mine would just end soon.

Take me out of the gutters that I’ve construed.

Away from the problems that I’ve been glued to,

And all the situations that I can’t seem to get through,

Unlike the drugs and alcohol that I so habitually find ways to consume,

As if they can settle my symptoms,

And make my mind feel new,

As if I can drunkenly just pick and choose,

Motivations and places to not be riddled the fool,

This life it just gets to me,

So now I’ll enter the rope.


SF – written between August 10th and September 4th, 2018

Poem things, Unfinished songs

D.T.B.D


I don’t ever wanna let you down,
Never wanna see that frown,
Never wanna here those sounds,
That you make,
When you’re feeling a bit too crazy,
Maybe,
There are parts to our story,
That need,
A little readdressing,
That’s all,
I’m sure,
We can make this thing last all night,
Make all the little wrongs,
Feel so right,
And we can never get washed up,
Or beat down,
Never let this old,
Sad town,
Feel like our only homely,
Place to,
Eventually break out,
And be found,
No way,
Not now.

And I don’t ever wanna let you down,
Never wanna see that frown,
Never wanna here those sounds,
That you make to,
When you’re feeling a little angry,
I see,
That we can get a little caught up,
In steam,
Feeling like we can’t be heard,
Or seen,
It’s a little bit like a bad dream,
I mean,
That I don’t want it to be,
The only parts of our memories,
That bleed,
Into our consciousness,
When we,
Begin to seem as if we aren’t there,
Or free,
From our disconnections,
And envy,
Now please,
Here me,

Because.

I don’t ever wanna let you down,
Never wanna see that frown,
Never wanna here those sounds,
That you make to me.
When you feel a little bit too crazy,
Or we get a little bit too angry,
It’s all just a little day time,
Bad dream.
Just a little day time bad dream.


NV. Written on July 20th, 2018 started @ 5:37 p.m. finished @ 6:12 p.m.

Wish I could put music behind this, but I lack the talent and resources required to do it on my own and connections for collaboration, for now it sits as this, like many incomplete ideas and creations. Thank you for reading or singing in your head, it’s a work in progress, for the future I hope. -SF.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Mistakenly Masked


Where are you?

I can see your face in the reflection,

But that you isn’t true,

Your mask is too tight,

Something just isn’t quite right,

There’s a body,

That’s clear,

So where is the light?

You have a sensational mind,

So where is your fight?

Draw back both fists,Go on,

Now unclench your might,

Or not,

It seems in trying,

You have broken both wrists,

Mistaken to much lust,

For too little bliss.

I can sense you now,

Do you feel it here?

Between our barriers?

Where the mind lack fears,

Now as I start to feel you near,

Something isn’t so clear,

Your are still hidden,

Ridden with delusion,

Confusion,

And ill-invested illusion,

I’ve got a solution,

It’s called,

Stop questioning the recipe,

If you aren’t the one cooking,

Don’t follow a book,

If you aren’t the one writing,

Why listen to advice,

If you aren’t open to advising,

And why wonder what could be,

If you aren’t into being wonderful,

Stop,

I just started to sense your soul,

As if,

It’s taken on a whole new role,

And if,

You can manage to take the toll,

I’ll be,

With you until I feel you whole,

That’s “goals”,

A reconnection to your own inception,

The chance to see your own reflection,

Without inferior misconceptions,

Or fear driven thoughtful sessions.

The you I was meant to talk to,

Not complicate and see through,

Nor convolute your whole truth,

But here I am now,

Together with the real you,

After all is said and done,

I think there’s more to chew,

Something deeper,

Deeper than we’ve been through.


NV. Written on July 19th, 2018 started @ 7:47 p.m. finished @ 9:00 p.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Compulsive Ramblings

Fumbling through empty bags of cereal,
Because I have no meal,
That’s half way real,
It’s surreal.
You might ask,
“What’s the deal?”,
But I’ll conceal,
Hide my identity,
Under lines of poetry,
It’s totally,
A way to roll you see,
Not poverty,
But possibly,
A test of will and greed,
Unstoppably,
Compulsively,
And un-contagiously,
Contracting means,
To understand the rhymes in my meanings.
It’s freeing needs,
But displacing leads,
As its bleeds into my history,
I now believe,
What you think and what do,
Are simply different tunes,
You can say a bunch of shit,
Or create a thing or two,
Its up to you,
Come up with your own rules,
Or follow suit like all the tools,
You better use them too,
Or they’ll grab right on to you,
Then you’re through,
Become beat up,
Used wrong,
Then be twisted,
Flipped,
And screwed,
What’s to loose?
All that you’ve been through?
That’s not true.
You may change a thing or two,
Any who,
No matter what you do,
Never settle,
Never loose,
And never ever end on moo.


NV. – written on July 9th, 2018 started @ 7:27 p.m. finished @ 8:14 p.m. Just rambling. Thanks for any likes, shares, comments or follows. Keeps the people going. – SF.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Rant #3 – Growing

Enter,
Growing daily like my peppers,
Send her,
Back to the beginning,
Where you met her,
Never,
Let that be true,
Because you,
Know it would be too,
Cruel,
Fool,
Step into position,
Then you rule,
School,
Dropped out because I couldn’t chew,
Threw,
All the repercussions,
That I knew,
To,
Be coming my way,
One day,
Changed,
I did not want to pay my way,
To an education,
That I did not see great,
They said,
“Please participate”,
“Study, it’s okay”,
I say,
No way,
Here I am today,
No papers to validate,
The thing that I contemplate,
Great,
If not for the world,
Then what is it all for,
Doors,
Open them all,
Or you’ll choke on your,
Ability to evaluate,
What you intended to reciprocate,
In the first place,
Close all the doors,
After you swallow their lore,
It’s something to adore,
Not a chore,
War,
Or bore,
That to you,
I can assure.


NV. – written on July 9, 2018 started @ 6:42 p.m. finished @ 7:09 p.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Controlled


We the people will learn,

Find new ways to earn.

Live by our own standards,

Not be controlled by you bastards.

A distraction for this,

Here, read down the list.

A distraction for that,

Like is fucking roulette.

So many forms of subliminal messaging,

Soon enough there will be a reckoning.

If they built an illusion of choice,

Then we are here to make some noise.

Massacres in mind blowing numbers,

You’d think we’d be encumbered.

To many problems with our history,

That they just erase thing off the lists you read.

Let’s manipulate the many rates,

Suppress us until we complicate,

The better parts of the system,

The one we all live in.

We can change the future,

But when you try they shoot ya.

One country,

Any love, see?

Wanna run?

Your inability has only just begun.

More ways to stack debts,

That ways to cash checks.

That’s a mess,

Controlling us likes it’s fucking chess.

I won’t have it,

Can no longer stand it.

I demand to see change,

In this place I was made.

Didn’t choose to be here,

But I see that it fears,

A little mental expression,

Now come and try your repression.


NV. – started sometime in May of 2018, finished @ 11:01 p.m. on June 20th, 2018.

This is America.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Chimes


Searching,

For the right words,

The right verbs,

And herds of ambition,

Without bringing on superstition.

In my vision,

I still have no beginning,

Haven’t felt like I was winning,

Since the days I was still in,

High school.

For that shit I was too cool,

Guess that’s why I’m not now,

Just another name to be forgot,

Let that happen to me?

I will not.

Can you imagine that though?

No place to call home,

No one blowing up your phone,

No expression to moan,

To somebody,

Just a nobody,

Well,

A taken for granted body,

Embodied by a soul,

With a sense of direction,

That’s has yet to take hold,

I was told,

“You’ll regret those decisions when you’re old.”

That’s gold.

Now I’m beaten,

Battered,

But bold.

Although not yet sold,

On any one path,

I will blast through the aftermath,

As I lay to rest the rest of my breath,

It seems I’m a bit short in fact,

It won’t last,

This panic attack,

It’s not back,

Just relax,

Take a deep,

Dive into another ride through the spirals of your mind,

Wanna get known?

Find the rhymes,

Find the chimes,

Find the…time.

No one has enough,

When we loose one another,

A sister or a brother,

Father or a mother,

All we seem to be able to do is just wonder,

Was I there enough?

Speak to them enough?

Show them that we care?

Enough.

No sad sulking tears,

No,

Not for the loved ones,

But our fears,

As we drown the mounds of our frowns,

And lay to rest the people we miss now,

We may start to hear sounds,

Its them speaking,

Telling us to stop drinking,

Do more thinking,

“You’ll find that beginning.”

I can still hear,

The ones we love and miss so dear,

They feel so near,

Maybe I’m in the wrong gear,

Need to shift,

Perspectives,

I’m invested,

I’ve Ingested,

Many maddening motivations,

Molded by monopolized,

People,

Ones talked about too much.

Maybe I’m too stuck,

On the girl I want to fuck,

And the thoughts I try to duck.

But I’m in luck,

With such a wonderful view,

I’m up to nothing that’s new,

But now this poem is quite…

Through.


NV. – written on June 20th, 2018 started @ 9:57 p.m. finished @ 10:30 p.m.

Just found myself in unable to obtain something truly wanted. Dealing with the fatigue of wonder and regret, not for anything major, but some small decisions that led to an inability to obtain said thing, with is more of an experience than a thing, but that’s irrelevant at this point. Just, take it from me, try to set goals you can obtain, don’t lead yourself into temptations that are inaccessible obligations. It can lead to this thing we call disappointment, I like to think of it as, failure to achieve expectations. But this is where I shall contradict myself, I try to not dwell or let my mind contract any, misleading, sad, obstructing or unsatisfactory feelings, thoughts or emotions. This is almost impossible for anyone of course, but in this case, I’m a bit caught up in mental states I’d rather feel the comfort in being able to overcome, but I can’t. I’m bummed, disappointed and have found a lack of achievement towards an expected experience…this poem is the result of me trying to put that…mindset into words. I suppose besides explaining here, but I don’t think I was aware of all of this until after the poem, funny how expression brings us closer to our problems and solutions…have a nice day. – S.F.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Mad Libs

Residing within our contemplations,

Reminiscing during conversations,

Congregations,

Can’t contain the situations,

Salivating over somber intuition,

While on a conquest towards inhibition,

Are these introverted individual indecision’s?

Maybe convoluted convenient corrections,

Cursing the sadness left behind during madness.

Madness,

Now it’s the last thing on my list,

Madness,

Seems a whole lot like mad libs,

Filling empty spaces with random combinations,

Of funny things to envision.

Now I’m fishing,

For deeper thoughts,

Longer talks,

Sunset walks,

Anything to choke down my faults.

Madness,

It’s about damn time we end this,

Madness,

Don’t know how this happened,

But I’m glad I had it,

Over turned it’s status,

Now our madness,

Is encased within happiness.

NV. – June 16th, 2018 started @ 9:30 p.m. finished @ 9:50 p.m.

You’ve just got to believe in what matters most to you sometimes. All that is meant to be will be and that is beauty at its finest, let the bad be bad, the good be great and participate in anything that makes you feel just as amazing as the feelings you’re searching for. Take care. – SF.