Poem things

Succubus


They say ignorance is bliss,
So why as I go mindless?
Is it her whispers that I miss,
Her tricks,
Her wits.
I can sit with this.
But I cant seem to forget,
That I knew she had my heart,
From the first day that we met.

Stolen is how it seems,
Because it has never been my choice,
No matter how loud I turn up the noise,
She still roams in all of my dreams,
Turns on and off my emotions,
And plays with my heart strings,
But she’s nowhere to be seen.
Nowhere but inside my mind now it seems.

Forsaken me is what she’s done,
I started a battle I could never have won.
The parasitic after effects,
From a love that felt as hot as the sun,
Will feed off of me,
Just like the succubus that she was.
Funny how I still believe it’s love.


SF- 12-22-18

Poem things

100 Years


Got into it real young,
I’m obsessed.
Been at if for too long,
I’ll digress.

Two little simpletons,
A small town.
Just wanted to be something,
Or be known.

Got mixed up one afternoon,
Arms around her chest.
Didn’t know what we’d go through,
Who knows the rest?

Falling in love can be unreal,
The kind in songs.
At first sight she was a steal,
She could belong.

Nevertheless we’ve had our tests,
And so much more.
You know at times we’ve been a mess,
That’s what tryings for.

All true love story’s have their pain,
Like their bliss.
It’s what we loose that’s let’s us gain,
And never miss.

She’s had my heart now,
For a decades time.
I really always love how,
I could make her mine.

In the all those times we parted,
I would live so blind.
Forgetting where I’ve started,
And where I’ve put my mind.

But while we are together,
Things seem so clear.
Holding on to that forever,
Give me 100 more years.


SF – written on July 21, 2018 started @ 5:46 p.m. finished @ 7:00 p.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Chimes


Searching,

For the right words,

The right verbs,

And herds of ambition,

Without bringing on superstition.

In my vision,

I still have no beginning,

Haven’t felt like I was winning,

Since the days I was still in,

High school.

For that shit I was too cool,

Guess that’s why I’m not now,

Just another name to be forgot,

Let that happen to me?

I will not.

Can you imagine that though?

No place to call home,

No one blowing up your phone,

No expression to moan,

To somebody,

Just a nobody,

Well,

A taken for granted body,

Embodied by a soul,

With a sense of direction,

That’s has yet to take hold,

I was told,

“You’ll regret those decisions when you’re old.”

That’s gold.

Now I’m beaten,

Battered,

But bold.

Although not yet sold,

On any one path,

I will blast through the aftermath,

As I lay to rest the rest of my breath,

It seems I’m a bit short in fact,

It won’t last,

This panic attack,

It’s not back,

Just relax,

Take a deep,

Dive into another ride through the spirals of your mind,

Wanna get known?

Find the rhymes,

Find the chimes,

Find the…time.

No one has enough,

When we loose one another,

A sister or a brother,

Father or a mother,

All we seem to be able to do is just wonder,

Was I there enough?

Speak to them enough?

Show them that we care?

Enough.

No sad sulking tears,

No,

Not for the loved ones,

But our fears,

As we drown the mounds of our frowns,

And lay to rest the people we miss now,

We may start to hear sounds,

Its them speaking,

Telling us to stop drinking,

Do more thinking,

“You’ll find that beginning.”

I can still hear,

The ones we love and miss so dear,

They feel so near,

Maybe I’m in the wrong gear,

Need to shift,

Perspectives,

I’m invested,

I’ve Ingested,

Many maddening motivations,

Molded by monopolized,

People,

Ones talked about too much.

Maybe I’m too stuck,

On the girl I want to fuck,

And the thoughts I try to duck.

But I’m in luck,

With such a wonderful view,

I’m up to nothing that’s new,

But now this poem is quite…

Through.


NV. – written on June 20th, 2018 started @ 9:57 p.m. finished @ 10:30 p.m.

Just found myself in unable to obtain something truly wanted. Dealing with the fatigue of wonder and regret, not for anything major, but some small decisions that led to an inability to obtain said thing, with is more of an experience than a thing, but that’s irrelevant at this point. Just, take it from me, try to set goals you can obtain, don’t lead yourself into temptations that are inaccessible obligations. It can lead to this thing we call disappointment, I like to think of it as, failure to achieve expectations. But this is where I shall contradict myself, I try to not dwell or let my mind contract any, misleading, sad, obstructing or unsatisfactory feelings, thoughts or emotions. This is almost impossible for anyone of course, but in this case, I’m a bit caught up in mental states I’d rather feel the comfort in being able to overcome, but I can’t. I’m bummed, disappointed and have found a lack of achievement towards an expected experience…this poem is the result of me trying to put that…mindset into words. I suppose besides explaining here, but I don’t think I was aware of all of this until after the poem, funny how expression brings us closer to our problems and solutions…have a nice day. – S.F.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

A Simple Smile


Then I saw her smile,

Which sent me miles,

In spirals,

Through fantasies,

Hopeless desires,

And mental misfires.

I am so tired,

Of feeling lonely and solely,

Disconnected and truly,

Unable to speak fully,

It’s so damn controlling,

How systematically I’m slowing.

Does she know yet,

How simply her smile,

Consumed me for a while,

Crawled into my head,

Laid around in my mind,

Then bound me to my bed.

She didn’t mean it,

If I hadn’t seen it,

I would still be like this,

Hopelessly searching,

For a way to be missed,

It’s all part of the risk.

The problem with beauty,

At least hers that instills me,

It can take over so soon,

Remind me of the moon,

And almost all tunes,

In my mind she just blooms.

A smile,

That’s all it takes,

For me to try and think of ways,

To say, “Hey”,

“It’s been a while”,

“I really, really like the way you smiled at me the other day.”

“But I really want to know, is everything okay?”


NV. – written on June 1st, 2018 started @ 4:37 p.m. finished @ 5:12 p.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Thank You


How does one apologize,

For taking away all your time,

Keeping you up all those nights,

Making you think of all the lies,

It wasn’t right.

It wasn’t okay,

I just wasn’t in a good place,

Then I brought you down,

Dragged you with me,

To those places I never wanted to be.

Lonely and limiting,

Lifeless and diminishing,

It wasn’t right,

It wasn’t okay,

So how do I find a way to say,

Thank you for every single day,

That you found a way to stay,

By my side,

Even during times I wasn’t payed.

But it wasn’t right,

I always thought you were okay,

Not empty, sad and taking a tole,

My focus had left our souls,

Where was I to support your goals,

When I was gaming for days,

With no life or no role,

You needed me then,

And all I did was just fold.

But thank you,

For every second of patience,

Every moment of stasis,

Going back through the bases,

Helping me re-tie my laces,

In life,

I wasn’t right,

But you were the one who,

Made it livable during that time.

I should have been there for you,

Not consumed with my gloom,

Never should have stayed in that room,

With all we’d been through.

Is that true?

Without that sequence,

I could not create this,

Could not foresee how to resist,

The parts of us that should not exist,

Then turn back around,

To rewrite this for bliss.

It wasn’t right,

It wasn’t okay.

But,

Know that I thank you,

You are my saving grace.

You saved me from that place,

Saved me from those ways,

As you taught me how to change,

How to live with space,

For that I thank you.

I hope you learned something too.

If so,

I’d love to hear it real soon.


NV. – written on May 30th, 2018 started @ 8:27 p.m. finished @ 9:15 p.m.

You know when you can’t find the right words for so many things, things left unsaid, unknown or unexcused. A way to say not sorry, hardly any “sorry” is very effective. But when you want to say thank you to someone for dealing with a very low energy, low vibration version of yourself, all during a time when that individual needed support and care more than the other. Sometimes there are no words for those moments, those memories. Many times we are left to bury those parts of our lives as we are seldom to find people to truly communicate these feelings with or to. We hurt people in life often when we least know it, when we were are so very focused on what we have at hand. Taking for granted to love, comfort, company and opportunity for connection that special someone is offering. We may not all experience this from either end. But if you do, know people can change or at least at some point, recognize those poor choices from a new angle, one unblinded by lack of perception, experience or corruption of motivations. We all have so many things to attend to at times, just never forget to attend to the person loving you the most. Because when you loose that person, you loose every opportunity for both life and love, but also every chance to make things right, to appreciate the sacrifices they make for you during rough times. You loose everything from with them, whether you can recognize every aspect or not. You will someday. So cherish that loved one, don’t forget what they do for you or how much they care. I’d hate anyone to feel the pain from that kind of loss. Thanks for reading, I wish love upon all of you. We all need a bit of it. – SF.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Distracted


Too unsuccessful to make a stand,

Too undefined,

so people laugh.

Uncultured,

Uneducated,

Under appreciated.

Like the future I made up,

Take up,

A bit of space,

in the time that you put on make up,

Think of me,

before you wake up.

Now change up,

To be a little less ridiculous,

I use to be in class,

Sit in back,

Nod my head,

From staying up all night,

Thinking of her and how we use to fight,

It wasn’t right,

But we can’t relive the past,

So why wait for change,

Why live too fast?

It doesn’t change the past.

When all you want is to go back,

Take a chance,

Flip your stance,

But there are too many paths,

To be stuck on that.

What happened to the dreams,

The kind that gave hope to reality,

The kind we could share,

Feel the similarity in the streams,

Of our consciousness,

Is just our connectedness,

That keeps on correcting this,

Path thats so damn distant,

It’s ripped into this system,

Your soul runs wild within it,

It’s kickin,

I wasn’t make to be single,

But when you’re gone I’m not free,

It can’t be said so simply,

But you are just a part of me.

So while you stay absent,

I’ll stay stagnant,

Yours forever,

Not during the instant,

The moments your present,

But always and all day,

It’s just in my instincts.

This is ok,

I’ll say it again and again,

Until the end of my own days.

Yours forever,

This heart won’t change,

Not ever,

It’s the love for you I put into truth,

Using it to change me too,

Just to try and get through,

These times without you.

But I’m yours forever,

Can’t seem to remember,

A day without fearing,

that you might forget,

Just how passionate I planned this,

How damn dedicated I’ve been,

That, I think you’ll get.

If you don’t,

Then it is what it is,

At least I have this,

To exists with you,

Bitch.

You know I still love you,

But it is what it is,

Can’t change how my mind works,

But I can change how this ends.

Find a way to make it blend,

With the beginning,

The bends,

But like before,

It ends on her breath,

Surrounding my neck,

As the thought of her whispers,

Into the depth of my death,

Is it here yet,

The end?

I’m not sure,

But I’m yours forever,

Maybe that’s how this ends?


NV. – written on May 24th, 2018 started @ 3:56 p.m. finished @ 4:18 p.m.

May have started with an introspective, bashing, kinda, I’m not good enough type of mindset. To be honest I was sitting in my outhouse, utilizing its essential purpose. So I started typing, reasons why I may not be where I want to be, then it hit me as the words were flowing that it usually boils down to wanting to be back in that place where love starts to race around, make life all sorts of upside down and flipped around. The kind where you start to think everything is right where it needs to be but then BAMMM, you’re hit with passionate fighting and disagreements while finding reasons to be individuals, I don’t know. We all want heartfelt passion and someone who cares about us unconditionally. But me, I want what she presented, a love like fucking fire, it wasn’t easy, hardly breezy, but at the end of the day I knew there was something to be cherish, not something normal. But a type of relationship where the growing can only happen consciously because the energies are so entwined that you feel when they aren’t happy, you sense when you’re doing them wrong or may be hurting them, that’s learning, unpredictable love. It isn’t perfect, but it was enough. That’s all, I need a break from fantasy, because as you can see. It’s still just me, writing about a girl I can’t seem to make happy anymore. That’s ok, I want her happy, if that means being free, than so be it. But I won’t change my feelings or hide them, that’s unhealthy and that’s just not me. – SF.

P.s. – I don’t mean to write about that part of my life or that part of anyone’s life. But sometimes you just can’t help but let your mind flow. Hope it isn’t too, whiny or whatever, just being me as much as possible. Maybe you like it, maybe it’s annoying, maybe people think I should grow up. Fuck that, you do you and I’ll do me, hopefully, we can each reach each other and find a way to grow and learn from these parts of ourselves. Thanks for being here, thank you for reading and maybe getting a sense of my mind, or parts of it. I hope we can relate and converse someday about it all. Love you humble human beings…and the not so humble ones, we are all in this together.

Poem things

Positivity


Smile for us all and keep us dancing in the day light,

Dance in the little moments as the memories are just right,

Memorize the things in life bringing joy to your insight,

Bring peace and positivity to the people needing loves sight.


NV. – written on May 3rd, 2018 started @ 12:10 p.m. finished @ 12:30 p.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

10 Years


I stumble through the pictures of you on my phone,

Never keep them in one folder,

That would be too easy to delete drunk, fuck that,

I want to keep them,

See them whenever I settle for nothing better than what we had together,

Even though you went through hell and back,

Id never bet the stacks I don’t have against the love we once had,

We had the purest kind of love but the kind that you could not stand,

All those feelings you had, the feelings that felt mad,

Not angry, but crazy,

Because we went through shit we should not have,

All of those times where we got sad,

your love was the only fucking that thing I thought that I did have,

I can say that out loud and it makes me a little bit more glad,

I gave up just about every single person that came back,

Into my life when they needed me,

Abandoned them all just to find that we still couldn’t be,

Simply serious for more than a moment between breaths,

I needed your heart when you need my loves rest,

If I ever go back in time you’re damn right I would change paths,

Find a way to make you feel like the girl you wanna be known as,

Not the girl that my definition finds hopeless and broken,

So lost she don’t it know but rather control it she’s left me unknowing,

If we will ever keep growing,

This love hasn’t stopped slowing showing,

Showing submissive similes to try and create some history,

participating in the pondering while pandering about possibly,

Having not hurt you enough for you to attempt to forget about me,

The last thing you said would be,

“I don’t want anything to do with you.”

10 years down the drain, Babe, I guess I can try too.

But fuck these emotions that this part of our path puts us through,

All I wanted was peace,

Now I’m struck with the blues,

Fucking up all of these love songs that I post here for you,

As if my brain is still stuck on you too,

Not only my heart to you has been glued,

She has encapsulated my entire existence,

Not only for in this instance,

But like in our paths,

We love far in the distance.

From distractions deep in the reaction you would give me,

When Id be free for a moment you’d know that I’d be happy and simply,

Content with my friends and then you would hate me instinctively,

Find a text on my phone the next day telling me you will end this completely,

Erase me and our history now have fun while you miss we.

Is this even real, in these feelings that feel as cold as steel,

Like the coat of armor on her heart,

I start to try to peel back the plate,

To expose the parts of her heart that make her great,

It was when she loved hard that she was in the right place,

Get right up in my face when she was feeling fate,

Sweep right under her feet and drag her out the gate,

Of redemptions for the reconnection with resonating reason,

Found deep in the beliefs that being free from me would let her be,

Away from the thoughts and memories of me,

That’s just not how this works.

Even if you forget me first,

I still have every fucking picture of you to quench my thirst,

Do you even think that we will ever learn,

To take back what we’ve earned, look far away and chose to turn away,

From one another, 10 years down the road and no one stands above her,

In my mind, she’s my lover,

For now and ever,

No matter how far,

From one another,

My love will be there,

And just to be fair,

I know that she won’t care.


NV. – written on April 18th-19th, 2018 started on the 18th around 2 a.m. finish on the 19th around 12:00 a.m.

As before, I thank you for being here, supporting, criticizing, viewing, sharing, whatever you may find yourself doing before, during and after reading these blogs. I do appreciate every bit of traffic I am receiving as it definitely makes for motivation to continue in the future. This piece is an unfinished song/ spoken word poetry thing, I have worked on music/ a beat to put behind but find I lack the current skill to find the sound I am looking for. With that said, I am always open to edits, ideas, changes people would think wise, I am here to find criticism, creativity, and collaboration. Feel free to say what you’d like. This was written during and after looking through older photos of a lady I was with for a long time. Someone I am not afraid to say that I still have deep feelings for, I mean, even through pain it is hard to forget someone you shared 10 years with. Although it may seem like a bit of an obsession, these…blogs, the ones about this lady, are just my way of expressing the deeper thoughts about her inside of my head that seem easier to put out there in text, maybe someday songs if everything goes as planned. With that said, I hope that builds a bit of context around this piece and others like it. Thank you for your time here today. Feel free to ask any questions, I am happy to answer. – SF.

Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

My Dear Its True


(Verse 1)
I’ve made mistakes♫ we know♫
Why don’t we take♫ this slow♫
That way we each♫ can grow♫
I just want to reach♫ your soul♫

(Lift)
Why would I lie to you?

(Chorus)
My dear, it’s true♫
There is too much to loose♫
I dont know what to do?♫
I hope you’ll hear this too♫

(Verse 2)
Will you come back♫ to me♫
To get on track♫ you see♫
So that we both♫ can be♫
Again so happy♫ and free♫

(Lft)
I just dont want to hurt you

(Bridge)-x2
I know my demons♫ lie, right next♫ to me,
They make it so♫ hard, to even♫ breathe.
If you could only♫ see, who I’m meant♫ to be.
You might take it all♫back, then we could♫ be free.

(Lift)
I need your love too.

(Chorus)
My dear, it’s true♫
There is too much to loose♫
I dont know what to do♫
I hope you’ll hear this too♫

I just hope you’ll hear me soon♫


NV. – written through July 26th, 2017 started @ 12:30 p.m. finished @ 7:30 p.m.

This is a song I wrote, I do have some uke chords written for it as well, but if someone could help me write music for this I would be extremely greatful! Thank you for viewing!