Poem things

100 Years


Got into it real young,
I’m obsessed.
Been at if for too long,
I’ll digress.

Two little simpletons,
A small town.
Just wanted to be something,
Or be known.

Got mixed up one afternoon,
Arms around her chest.
Didn’t know what we’d go through,
Who knows the rest?

Falling in love can be unreal,
The kind in songs.
At first sight she was a steal,
She could belong.

Nevertheless we’ve had our tests,
And so much more.
You know at times we’ve been a mess,
That’s what tryings for.

All true love story’s have their pain,
Like their bliss.
It’s what we loose that’s let’s us gain,
And never miss.

She’s had my heart now,
For a decades time.
I really always love how,
I could make her mine.

In the all those times we parted,
I would live so blind.
Forgetting where I’ve started,
And where I’ve put my mind.

But while we are together,
Things seem so clear.
Holding on to that forever,
Give me 100 more years.


SF – written on July 21, 2018 started @ 5:46 p.m. finished @ 7:00 p.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Chimes


Searching,

For the right words,

The right verbs,

And herds of ambition,

Without bringing on superstition.

In my vision,

I still have no beginning,

Haven’t felt like I was winning,

Since the days I was still in,

High school.

For that shit I was too cool,

Guess that’s why I’m not now,

Just another name to be forgot,

Let that happen to me?

I will not.

Can you imagine that though?

No place to call home,

No one blowing up your phone,

No expression to moan,

To somebody,

Just a nobody,

Well,

A taken for granted body,

Embodied by a soul,

With a sense of direction,

That’s has yet to take hold,

I was told,

“You’ll regret those decisions when you’re old.”

That’s gold.

Now I’m beaten,

Battered,

But bold.

Although not yet sold,

On any one path,

I will blast through the aftermath,

As I lay to rest the rest of my breath,

It seems I’m a bit short in fact,

It won’t last,

This panic attack,

It’s not back,

Just relax,

Take a deep,

Dive into another ride through the spirals of your mind,

Wanna get known?

Find the rhymes,

Find the chimes,

Find the…time.

No one has enough,

When we loose one another,

A sister or a brother,

Father or a mother,

All we seem to be able to do is just wonder,

Was I there enough?

Speak to them enough?

Show them that we care?

Enough.

No sad sulking tears,

No,

Not for the loved ones,

But our fears,

As we drown the mounds of our frowns,

And lay to rest the people we miss now,

We may start to hear sounds,

Its them speaking,

Telling us to stop drinking,

Do more thinking,

“You’ll find that beginning.”

I can still hear,

The ones we love and miss so dear,

They feel so near,

Maybe I’m in the wrong gear,

Need to shift,

Perspectives,

I’m invested,

I’ve Ingested,

Many maddening motivations,

Molded by monopolized,

People,

Ones talked about too much.

Maybe I’m too stuck,

On the girl I want to fuck,

And the thoughts I try to duck.

But I’m in luck,

With such a wonderful view,

I’m up to nothing that’s new,

But now this poem is quite…

Through.


NV. – written on June 20th, 2018 started @ 9:57 p.m. finished @ 10:30 p.m.

Just found myself in unable to obtain something truly wanted. Dealing with the fatigue of wonder and regret, not for anything major, but some small decisions that led to an inability to obtain said thing, with is more of an experience than a thing, but that’s irrelevant at this point. Just, take it from me, try to set goals you can obtain, don’t lead yourself into temptations that are inaccessible obligations. It can lead to this thing we call disappointment, I like to think of it as, failure to achieve expectations. But this is where I shall contradict myself, I try to not dwell or let my mind contract any, misleading, sad, obstructing or unsatisfactory feelings, thoughts or emotions. This is almost impossible for anyone of course, but in this case, I’m a bit caught up in mental states I’d rather feel the comfort in being able to overcome, but I can’t. I’m bummed, disappointed and have found a lack of achievement towards an expected experience…this poem is the result of me trying to put that…mindset into words. I suppose besides explaining here, but I don’t think I was aware of all of this until after the poem, funny how expression brings us closer to our problems and solutions…have a nice day. – S.F.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

A Simple Smile


Then I saw her smile,

Which sent me miles,

In spirals,

Through fantasies,

Hopeless desires,

And mental misfires.

I am so tired,

Of feeling lonely and solely,

Disconnected and truly,

Unable to speak fully,

It’s so damn controlling,

How systematically I’m slowing.

Does she know yet,

How simply her smile,

Consumed me for a while,

Crawled into my head,

Laid around in my mind,

Then bound me to my bed.

She didn’t mean it,

If I hadn’t seen it,

I would still be like this,

Hopelessly searching,

For a way to be missed,

It’s all part of the risk.

The problem with beauty,

At least hers that instills me,

It can take over so soon,

Remind me of the moon,

And almost all tunes,

In my mind she just blooms.

A smile,

That’s all it takes,

For me to try and think of ways,

To say, “Hey”,

“It’s been a while”,

“I really, really like the way you smiled at me the other day.”

“But I really want to know, is everything okay?”


NV. – written on June 1st, 2018 started @ 4:37 p.m. finished @ 5:12 p.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Thank You


How does one apologize,

For taking away all your time,

Keeping you up all those nights,

Making you think of all the lies,

It wasn’t right.

It wasn’t okay,

I just wasn’t in a good place,

Then I brought you down,

Dragged you with me,

To those places I never wanted to be.

Lonely and limiting,

Lifeless and diminishing,

It wasn’t right,

It wasn’t okay,

So how do I find a way to say,

Thank you for every single day,

That you found a way to stay,

By my side,

Even during times I wasn’t payed.

But it wasn’t right,

I always thought you were okay,

Not empty, sad and taking a tole,

My focus had left our souls,

Where was I to support your goals,

When I was gaming for days,

With no life or no role,

You needed me then,

And all I did was just fold.

But thank you,

For every second of patience,

Every moment of stasis,

Going back through the bases,

Helping me re-tie my laces,

In life,

I wasn’t right,

But you were the one who,

Made it livable during that time.

I should have been there for you,

Not consumed with my gloom,

Never should have stayed in that room,

With all we’d been through.

Is that true?

Without that sequence,

I could not create this,

Could not foresee how to resist,

The parts of us that should not exist,

Then turn back around,

To rewrite this for bliss.

It wasn’t right,

It wasn’t okay.

But,

Know that I thank you,

You are my saving grace.

You saved me from that place,

Saved me from those ways,

As you taught me how to change,

How to live with space,

For that I thank you.

I hope you learned something too.

If so,

I’d love to hear it real soon.


NV. – written on May 30th, 2018 started @ 8:27 p.m. finished @ 9:15 p.m.

You know when you can’t find the right words for so many things, things left unsaid, unknown or unexcused. A way to say not sorry, hardly any “sorry” is very effective. But when you want to say thank you to someone for dealing with a very low energy, low vibration version of yourself, all during a time when that individual needed support and care more than the other. Sometimes there are no words for those moments, those memories. Many times we are left to bury those parts of our lives as we are seldom to find people to truly communicate these feelings with or to. We hurt people in life often when we least know it, when we were are so very focused on what we have at hand. Taking for granted to love, comfort, company and opportunity for connection that special someone is offering. We may not all experience this from either end. But if you do, know people can change or at least at some point, recognize those poor choices from a new angle, one unblinded by lack of perception, experience or corruption of motivations. We all have so many things to attend to at times, just never forget to attend to the person loving you the most. Because when you loose that person, you loose every opportunity for both life and love, but also every chance to make things right, to appreciate the sacrifices they make for you during rough times. You loose everything from with them, whether you can recognize every aspect or not. You will someday. So cherish that loved one, don’t forget what they do for you or how much they care. I’d hate anyone to feel the pain from that kind of loss. Thanks for reading, I wish love upon all of you. We all need a bit of it. – SF.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Distracted


Too unsuccessful to make a stand,

Too undefined,

so people laugh.

Uncultured,

Uneducated,

Under appreciated.

Like the future I made up,

Take up,

A bit of space,

in the time that you put on make up,

Think of me,

before you wake up.

Now change up,

To be a little less ridiculous,

I use to be in class,

Sit in back,

Nod my head,

From staying up all night,

Thinking of her and how we use to fight,

It wasn’t right,

But we can’t relive the past,

So why wait for change,

Why live too fast?

It doesn’t change the past.

When all you want is to go back,

Take a chance,

Flip your stance,

But there are too many paths,

To be stuck on that.

What happened to the dreams,

The kind that gave hope to reality,

The kind we could share,

Feel the similarity in the streams,

Of our consciousness,

Is just our connectedness,

That keeps on correcting this,

Path thats so damn distant,

It’s ripped into this system,

Your soul runs wild within it,

It’s kickin,

I wasn’t make to be single,

But when you’re gone I’m not free,

It can’t be said so simply,

But you are just a part of me.

So while you stay absent,

I’ll stay stagnant,

Yours forever,

Not during the instant,

The moments your present,

But always and all day,

It’s just in my instincts.

This is ok,

I’ll say it again and again,

Until the end of my own days.

Yours forever,

This heart won’t change,

Not ever,

It’s the love for you I put into truth,

Using it to change me too,

Just to try and get through,

These times without you.

But I’m yours forever,

Can’t seem to remember,

A day without fearing,

that you might forget,

Just how passionate I planned this,

How damn dedicated I’ve been,

That, I think you’ll get.

If you don’t,

Then it is what it is,

At least I have this,

To exists with you,

Bitch.

You know I still love you,

But it is what it is,

Can’t change how my mind works,

But I can change how this ends.

Find a way to make it blend,

With the beginning,

The bends,

But like before,

It ends on her breath,

Surrounding my neck,

As the thought of her whispers,

Into the depth of my death,

Is it here yet,

The end?

I’m not sure,

But I’m yours forever,

Maybe that’s how this ends?


NV. – written on May 24th, 2018 started @ 3:56 p.m. finished @ 4:18 p.m.

May have started with an introspective, bashing, kinda, I’m not good enough type of mindset. To be honest I was sitting in my outhouse, utilizing its essential purpose. So I started typing, reasons why I may not be where I want to be, then it hit me as the words were flowing that it usually boils down to wanting to be back in that place where love starts to race around, make life all sorts of upside down and flipped around. The kind where you start to think everything is right where it needs to be but then BAMMM, you’re hit with passionate fighting and disagreements while finding reasons to be individuals, I don’t know. We all want heartfelt passion and someone who cares about us unconditionally. But me, I want what she presented, a love like fucking fire, it wasn’t easy, hardly breezy, but at the end of the day I knew there was something to be cherish, not something normal. But a type of relationship where the growing can only happen consciously because the energies are so entwined that you feel when they aren’t happy, you sense when you’re doing them wrong or may be hurting them, that’s learning, unpredictable love. It isn’t perfect, but it was enough. That’s all, I need a break from fantasy, because as you can see. It’s still just me, writing about a girl I can’t seem to make happy anymore. That’s ok, I want her happy, if that means being free, than so be it. But I won’t change my feelings or hide them, that’s unhealthy and that’s just not me. – SF.

P.s. – I don’t mean to write about that part of my life or that part of anyone’s life. But sometimes you just can’t help but let your mind flow. Hope it isn’t too, whiny or whatever, just being me as much as possible. Maybe you like it, maybe it’s annoying, maybe people think I should grow up. Fuck that, you do you and I’ll do me, hopefully, we can each reach each other and find a way to grow and learn from these parts of ourselves. Thanks for being here, thank you for reading and maybe getting a sense of my mind, or parts of it. I hope we can relate and converse someday about it all. Love you humble human beings…and the not so humble ones, we are all in this together.