Poem things

Unintended Pain

Your heart wasn’t worth breaking,

If I’m not mistaken,

I played and I changed and I stayed,

And I made as much as I could,

To withstand all that we should,

But I failed and I failed and I failed.

To commit to the consequences,

To believe in things that mattered,

Rather I continued to dismantle,

Ever foundation that had their chances,

To withstand the demand,

Of my poor choices,

Turned out I turned our feelings into noises.

I’m sorry for never knowing what was next,

Making moments turn to demons,

And letting my ignorance be at its best.

I never meant to break your heart,

I never meant to fail right from the start,

The pain you still likely feel is as real,

As every emotion that I still try to kill.

I’m consumed by the fact that I will,

Forever and always just be this moment,

That you never should have had to feel.

My intentions were faltered,

I can’t blame it on age,

Inexperience,

Lack of understanding,

Or rage.

I need to accept that it was my simple ways,

Inability to read you and help your bad days.

On top of the changes that I should have made.

At this point it’s worthless,

To apologize or wait,

For retribution,

Confusion,

Or a chance to close space.

Just know that I never meant to,

Cause you this pain.

SF- 1-14-19

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Rant #1


This World is fucking terrifying,
It terrifies me,
The terror tearing through the broken streets,
Broken dreams and hopeless needs,
Hopelessly hoping we
Happen to,
Find some peace.
In a World this fucked up and fearful,
Get an earful of a lust filled,
Feeling that must spill,
Into the lines when I’m seeing the signs,
Signed by demons that find time,
Into my right mind and my left mind,
Gotta split this brain into two just to think fine.
Do i seem fine?
Fine, tell me, is it the stress lines?
No?
It’s this World right?
We humans can’t get this world right tight together,
We miss the point of being remembered,
Do you remember?
The last time people on this planet could stand it?
Cant begin to imagine a place where their passion,
Is issued like texts books instead of a fashion,
Fashioned ways of teaching, reaching out to children,
Seeming to forget what it means to find meaning,
In life, you get one shot, Eminem said it best,
One openly oppressed opportunity to give workin a rest.
See, this started with worldly issues, now im searchin for a tissue,
My situation isnt changing, im sustaining.
Gaining knowledge everyday like the books are fucking raining.
This is lame see,
I’m making a damn fool of myself,
You wanna see whats on my shelf?
Not gold bars or platinum stars, no.
Shit written about stars,
The people and planets, all forms of philosophy,
And shit you cant manage,
I can manage to manipulate my words with written burns
Verbally abusing the right read my shit out loud to say
“Hey, Your story is preat great”
But if you can’t participate is something really fuckin great,
Then wait,
Determine your future in the future, cause future you will know a thing or two.
A thing more than you think you do,
One day you will know this too,
At that point you will sing this through.
Singing,
“This World is fucking terrifying”
“It terrif…”…”no, this world is freaking true.”
Dark at time when there seems to be no rules,
Written to tell what to do,
Next, but then, anxiety takes over, fucks you up,
Has you tucked up, under the covers searching for mother.
You start to feel smothered by the World that gives wonder,
To the times when the sounds outside seem like thunder,
Thundering down lightning to my mind to create cracks,
And crevices creeping through my memories.
But the sounds are not there,
its this World that you fear,
When the demons get near,
You start to forget your cheer and exsist with your tears.
Tearing streams down your face fast paced,
Like if you stop all the crying youd be lieing,
When inside it feels like your dieing.
Im sorry, things always take this dark turn,
I dont know why,
If I think and try to learn,
It will be me who will cry.
I’m just a regular guy,
But when I look to the sky, I see my future arise,
As high as the sun rise when the moon dies.
And in a World that seems like it wont try,
I guess I’ll just give it some time.


NV. – written on April 24th, 2018 started @ 2:33 a.m. finished @ 3:06 a.m.

Just for context, I had no idea where this was going, not when I started or when I finished. Kind of cut it off at the end a bit, usually I have no idea when to end most of the stuff I post on this site, so I just force it at times. Seems like if I let some thoughts flow they would go on forever, finding the right words once typed out in front of my weird wondering brain conceiving them, mmm. Anywho, just a randome collection of word up above, sounded good to my mind as I typed them out. Thanks for all the support and have a grand ole everyday.

SF.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

T.W.I.T.W


There is a Wolf in these woods
Stalking the depths of my intentions
Searching for nothing less than reckless
Its my exsistance that is messed with
Liking the dreams so dark and dreary
When the Wolf takes over
Things start to get scary
I can’t fight this demon
As he takes over my tenacity
Breaking the barriers of my intensity
The worst parts of me
Begin to be set free
It feels like fur will unfold
Filling the holes in my unknown
Claw start to tear out of the tips of my toes
Opening up the ability to let go
A transformational objective
This Wolf had goals
When it first entered my woods
I had no clue about fear
My life before then
Seemed relatively unclear
Now meaning has sprung
In the wake of the Wolf
No matter whats next
It can not be good
Feeling freedom for the first time
Since the year 2009
This Wolf has brought insight
To when my life became a lie
With the beasts in it’s new life
Those parts of me will die
So when it’s gone
Be sure to know
I’ll give this life another try
Though for now
I’ll lack control and
Let the Wolf in the woods take my body
But never take my soul.


NV. – written on April 14th, 2018 started @ 2:45 p.m. finished @ 3:27 p.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Rain or Shine


Today is going to be swell,

Rain or shine,

This day will be mine.

No more dark ideas,

Bring life into the light,

This day is mine until the night,

When things start to creep,

Into reality,

From the deeper parts of me.

They areant real,

These demons,

Only I can see them.

Is it time for the rise,

I need the sun,

I can’t seem to run.

These demons crawl quickly,

As I stumble over my memories,

Can the sun come up and save me,

Please.

I need a new day,

One I can call my own again,

I CAN’T FIGHT THESE THOUGHTS IN MY BRAIN.

I swear if I can make it,

Into the light,

I’ll survive this futile fight.

I said this day would be mine,

At this point I lied,

Something inside me is just not right.

When the day turns to night,

I find myself locked,

I find my hope is blocked.

So as the sun starts to set,

I’ll sit quietly with regret,

For even the worst parts of me,

I just can’t seem to forget.


NV. – written on April 9th, 2018 started @ 1:03 p.m. finished @ 1:24 p.m.

Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

My Dear Its True


(Verse 1)
I’ve made mistakes♫ we know♫
Why don’t we take♫ this slow♫
That way we each♫ can grow♫
I just want to reach♫ your soul♫

(Lift)
Why would I lie to you?

(Chorus)
My dear, it’s true♫
There is too much to loose♫
I dont know what to do?♫
I hope you’ll hear this too♫

(Verse 2)
Will you come back♫ to me♫
To get on track♫ you see♫
So that we both♫ can be♫
Again so happy♫ and free♫

(Lft)
I just dont want to hurt you

(Bridge)-x2
I know my demons♫ lie, right next♫ to me,
They make it so♫ hard, to even♫ breathe.
If you could only♫ see, who I’m meant♫ to be.
You might take it all♫back, then we could♫ be free.

(Lift)
I need your love too.

(Chorus)
My dear, it’s true♫
There is too much to loose♫
I dont know what to do♫
I hope you’ll hear this too♫

I just hope you’ll hear me soon♫


NV. – written through July 26th, 2017 started @ 12:30 p.m. finished @ 7:30 p.m.

This is a song I wrote, I do have some uke chords written for it as well, but if someone could help me write music for this I would be extremely greatful! Thank you for viewing!