Poem things

Unintended Pain

Your heart wasn’t worth breaking,

If I’m not mistaken,

I played and I changed and I stayed,

And I made as much as I could,

To withstand all that we should,

But I failed and I failed and I failed.

To commit to the consequences,

To believe in things that mattered,

Rather I continued to dismantle,

Ever foundation that had their chances,

To withstand the demand,

Of my poor choices,

Turned out I turned our feelings into noises.

I’m sorry for never knowing what was next,

Making moments turn to demons,

And letting my ignorance be at its best.

I never meant to break your heart,

I never meant to fail right from the start,

The pain you still likely feel is as real,

As every emotion that I still try to kill.

I’m consumed by the fact that I will,

Forever and always just be this moment,

That you never should have had to feel.

My intentions were faltered,

I can’t blame it on age,

Inexperience,

Lack of understanding,

Or rage.

I need to accept that it was my simple ways,

Inability to read you and help your bad days.

On top of the changes that I should have made.

At this point it’s worthless,

To apologize or wait,

For retribution,

Confusion,

Or a chance to close space.

Just know that I never meant to,

Cause you this pain.

SF- 1-14-19

Poem things

Succubus


They say ignorance is bliss,
So why as I go mindless?
Is it her whispers that I miss,
Her tricks,
Her wits.
I can sit with this.
But I cant seem to forget,
That I knew she had my heart,
From the first day that we met.

Stolen is how it seems,
Because it has never been my choice,
No matter how loud I turn up the noise,
She still roams in all of my dreams,
Turns on and off my emotions,
And plays with my heart strings,
But she’s nowhere to be seen.
Nowhere but inside my mind now it seems.

Forsaken me is what she’s done,
I started a battle I could never have won.
The parasitic after effects,
From a love that felt as hot as the sun,
Will feed off of me,
Just like the succubus that she was.
Funny how I still believe it’s love.


SF- 12-22-18

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Problems


I see that everyone has problems,

That’s not the problem, see,

How am I supposed to feel sympathetically,

When I’m involved with a blinding,

Overwhelming consistency,

Of underwhelming contingencies.

Oh it’s easy, “get therapy”,

As if paying for help is worth more than a friend who will listen for free.

Who the hell wants to listen to me,

Everyone has problems,

That’s not the problem, see,

I try to imagine my mind living happily,

But it’s just stays still in progression,

And runs wild through regressions.

So what’s the point in another session,

If I will have nothing to mention.

Everyone has problems,

That’s not the problem, see,

I can’t make every conversation about me,

Everyone has an issue to share,

Or a memory to bear,

And in those moments we truly can care.

Yet it’s the time spent alone,

That makes life feel completely unfair.

If only we had a way to feel a little less scared.


SF – written on Dec. 18th, 2018 @ 4:30 p.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

6 feet deep

I watched my sister mourn an ex that over dosed,
My father cry when his own mother croaked,
Watched my mother too when her father died after loosing the woman that he loved the most,
I also lost a sister to epilepsy, that shit is fucked up,
She’s was all alone, found naked in her bath tub.
Before all that I lost an uncle that would change my mom forever,
Loosing her brother first when she thought she’d never,
Ever have to spread his ashes farther than his love had casted.
I’m just reacting to the retracting of my memories.
So many memories of all of those who were meant to be,
Alive right now even though there are no remedies,
For the pain of loss and death that has forsaken me.
Just let me replace the bodies that were taken all too soon,
Let me be the face up in that bright old moon.
Looking down upon all of those who have been hurting too.
Those thinking about the ones they’ve lost,
Thinking about the memories you’ve tried to toss,
While search for a simple way to smile,
Maybe if we fake it our cheeks might hold up a while,
Get us down that god damn road another meaningless mile.
While acting wild and riled up to take a crack at happiness,
But if we’re redirecting our minds away from
death and sadness,
Id rather slip and fall into a pit of madness,
Loose my faith in life and love,
Like a dirty rotten mattress,
With a mistress that’s been laughed at.
Because,
All these deaths are haunting me,
As I think it should be me,
6 feet underneath the dirt below my knees.

SF – written on December 17th, 2018 @ 10 a.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Rant #1


This World is fucking terrifying,
It terrifies me,
The terror tearing through the broken streets,
Broken dreams and hopeless needs,
Hopelessly hoping we
Happen to,
Find some peace.
In a World this fucked up and fearful,
Get an earful of a lust filled,
Feeling that must spill,
Into the lines when I’m seeing the signs,
Signed by demons that find time,
Into my right mind and my left mind,
Gotta split this brain into two just to think fine.
Do i seem fine?
Fine, tell me, is it the stress lines?
No?
It’s this World right?
We humans can’t get this world right tight together,
We miss the point of being remembered,
Do you remember?
The last time people on this planet could stand it?
Cant begin to imagine a place where their passion,
Is issued like texts books instead of a fashion,
Fashioned ways of teaching, reaching out to children,
Seeming to forget what it means to find meaning,
In life, you get one shot, Eminem said it best,
One openly oppressed opportunity to give workin a rest.
See, this started with worldly issues, now im searchin for a tissue,
My situation isnt changing, im sustaining.
Gaining knowledge everyday like the books are fucking raining.
This is lame see,
I’m making a damn fool of myself,
You wanna see whats on my shelf?
Not gold bars or platinum stars, no.
Shit written about stars,
The people and planets, all forms of philosophy,
And shit you cant manage,
I can manage to manipulate my words with written burns
Verbally abusing the right read my shit out loud to say
“Hey, Your story is preat great”
But if you can’t participate is something really fuckin great,
Then wait,
Determine your future in the future, cause future you will know a thing or two.
A thing more than you think you do,
One day you will know this too,
At that point you will sing this through.
Singing,
“This World is fucking terrifying”
“It terrif…”…”no, this world is freaking true.”
Dark at time when there seems to be no rules,
Written to tell what to do,
Next, but then, anxiety takes over, fucks you up,
Has you tucked up, under the covers searching for mother.
You start to feel smothered by the World that gives wonder,
To the times when the sounds outside seem like thunder,
Thundering down lightning to my mind to create cracks,
And crevices creeping through my memories.
But the sounds are not there,
its this World that you fear,
When the demons get near,
You start to forget your cheer and exsist with your tears.
Tearing streams down your face fast paced,
Like if you stop all the crying youd be lieing,
When inside it feels like your dieing.
Im sorry, things always take this dark turn,
I dont know why,
If I think and try to learn,
It will be me who will cry.
I’m just a regular guy,
But when I look to the sky, I see my future arise,
As high as the sun rise when the moon dies.
And in a World that seems like it wont try,
I guess I’ll just give it some time.


NV. – written on April 24th, 2018 started @ 2:33 a.m. finished @ 3:06 a.m.

Just for context, I had no idea where this was going, not when I started or when I finished. Kind of cut it off at the end a bit, usually I have no idea when to end most of the stuff I post on this site, so I just force it at times. Seems like if I let some thoughts flow they would go on forever, finding the right words once typed out in front of my weird wondering brain conceiving them, mmm. Anywho, just a randome collection of word up above, sounded good to my mind as I typed them out. Thanks for all the support and have a grand ole everyday.

SF.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Rain or Shine


Today is going to be swell,

Rain or shine,

This day will be mine.

No more dark ideas,

Bring life into the light,

This day is mine until the night,

When things start to creep,

Into reality,

From the deeper parts of me.

They areant real,

These demons,

Only I can see them.

Is it time for the rise,

I need the sun,

I can’t seem to run.

These demons crawl quickly,

As I stumble over my memories,

Can the sun come up and save me,

Please.

I need a new day,

One I can call my own again,

I CAN’T FIGHT THESE THOUGHTS IN MY BRAIN.

I swear if I can make it,

Into the light,

I’ll survive this futile fight.

I said this day would be mine,

At this point I lied,

Something inside me is just not right.

When the day turns to night,

I find myself locked,

I find my hope is blocked.

So as the sun starts to set,

I’ll sit quietly with regret,

For even the worst parts of me,

I just can’t seem to forget.


NV. – written on April 9th, 2018 started @ 1:03 p.m. finished @ 1:24 p.m.

Poem things, Unfinished songs

See You Soon


Lil peep said it best,

“I would scream your name with my last breath”,
I can’t get over this,
My memories are yours for controlling,
You know why?
Even though I’m not right for us,
I want no one else.

But,
When you love someone that loves you last,
That love falls into the past,
The root of your pain,
I pushed you away
Never knowing what to say.
We were always so complicated,
Missunderstanding and feelings,
Left unknown and unwanted.

I always wanted to help you shine,
When i had to chance to call you mine,
It didnt matter how bad things got,
You made everything feel just right.
Made everything disapear into bliss
Its the person that you are that I miss.
Not the feelings I list.

Will you ever see things the way I do
I couldnt hate you even if I tried,
No matter the problems,
I just want you to share them,
With me, connecting and relating
Even if life gets draining.

I’ll write poem after poem,
Loose myself in piece after piece,
But until you recapture my heart,
My life, it falls apart.
definable by dissapointment,
I dissatisfied you beyond belief.

But now, these words go out to you,
So you know even as I forgot myself,
It was you who kept me here,
Couldn’t leave this life without you near.
For now I’ll just keep tipping this beer,
Ill see you soon or in the end of my years.


NV. – written on April 8th, 2018 started @ 1:37 p.m. finished @ 2:00 p.m.

Poem things

Deeper


You should never tell a poet

that they think too deep

Or too often,

although their thoughts

may be hurting,

maybe causing damage.

Deep thought thinkers

find going deeper

a passion.

Its our pain that

brings light

to the ideas we like.

The ones unsaid

and forgotten inside

the back of your head.

So to that

I’ll think deep and

continue deeper yet.

So that I never loose

a moment of mine

I may never define.

Diving into your mind

is a cherishable thing

when it’s done right.

To me keep on thinking

think as much as you can

you’ll find a day when

you can’t think again.

The abilities a tool

to develope and unfold

our mental blindfolds.

Over think if you can

use your mentality

your mind.

Never cease to believe in

The things you can do

when opening inside.

Your thoughts are your gifts

to bring into the world

You’re able and missed.

May you understand

I am speaking the truth

The truth in my mind

straight forward to you.

Now what will you do?


NV. Written on April 1st, 2018 started @9:33 finished @ 9:54

Drawings-Handlettering, Poem things

Progression


A few photos to show a bit of the process, I wasn’t planning anything with this other than I knew the words I wanted in it and there needed to be a moon somehow integrated into it. Hope you enjoy and remember it’s never too late to say hello. Also, there’s a bit of irony in a mistake I made during the drawing of this, let me know if you find it.

It reads:

And you were just like the moon, so lonely, so full of imperfections. But just like the moon, you shined in times of darkness. – author unknown



Thanks for making it this far. Feel free to ask questions or tell me what you think, I’d really like to hear. Have a nice day.


NV. – Drawn on March 30th-31st, 2018 started @ 9:45 p.m finished @ 5:30 a.m.