Poem things

Relevancy

I still see you while I’m sleeping,

I still feel you,

Although I’m fleeing,

Fleeing from fears formed through forgotten failures,

Fears that are no longer present,

Yet your presence is now more than prominent.

It’s been close to year since you cut those ties,

Casted shadows over what you thought were lies,

I may have been wrong in what went on,

May have sang all the wrong songs,

But what you knew and I know,

Have been different all along.

You stole from me the very thing I loved true,

By ridiculing me through and through,

Now I sit here 2000 miles away,

Still hoping I’ll see you some day,

Is that crazy?

Am I still forsaken by your individuality,

Or am I still stuck in my own washed up warped sense of this brutal reality.

I guess that’s just not up to me,

You see,

From the very beginning,

I never imagined winning you over,

I never envisioned that you’d stay,

But what we think and what we want,

Hardly ever match up anyway.

SF- 8-18-19

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Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

6 feet deep

I watched my sister mourn an ex that over dosed,
My father cry when his own mother croaked,
Watched my mother too when her father died after loosing the woman that he loved the most,
I also lost a sister to epilepsy, that shit is fucked up,
She’s was all alone, found naked in her bath tub.
Before all that I lost an uncle that would change my mom forever,
Loosing her brother first when she thought she’d never,
Ever have to spread his ashes farther than his love had casted.
I’m just reacting to the retracting of my memories.
So many memories of all of those who were meant to be,
Alive right now even though there are no remedies,
For the pain of loss and death that has forsaken me.
Just let me replace the bodies that were taken all too soon,
Let me be the face up in that bright old moon.
Looking down upon all of those who have been hurting too.
Those thinking about the ones they’ve lost,
Thinking about the memories you’ve tried to toss,
While search for a simple way to smile,
Maybe if we fake it our cheeks might hold up a while,
Get us down that god damn road another meaningless mile.
While acting wild and riled up to take a crack at happiness,
But if we’re redirecting our minds away from
death and sadness,
Id rather slip and fall into a pit of madness,
Loose my faith in life and love,
Like a dirty rotten mattress,
With a mistress that’s been laughed at.
Because,
All these deaths are haunting me,
As I think it should be me,
6 feet underneath the dirt below my knees.

SF – written on December 17th, 2018 @ 10 a.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Chimes


Searching,

For the right words,

The right verbs,

And herds of ambition,

Without bringing on superstition.

In my vision,

I still have no beginning,

Haven’t felt like I was winning,

Since the days I was still in,

High school.

For that shit I was too cool,

Guess that’s why I’m not now,

Just another name to be forgot,

Let that happen to me?

I will not.

Can you imagine that though?

No place to call home,

No one blowing up your phone,

No expression to moan,

To somebody,

Just a nobody,

Well,

A taken for granted body,

Embodied by a soul,

With a sense of direction,

That’s has yet to take hold,

I was told,

“You’ll regret those decisions when you’re old.”

That’s gold.

Now I’m beaten,

Battered,

But bold.

Although not yet sold,

On any one path,

I will blast through the aftermath,

As I lay to rest the rest of my breath,

It seems I’m a bit short in fact,

It won’t last,

This panic attack,

It’s not back,

Just relax,

Take a deep,

Dive into another ride through the spirals of your mind,

Wanna get known?

Find the rhymes,

Find the chimes,

Find the…time.

No one has enough,

When we loose one another,

A sister or a brother,

Father or a mother,

All we seem to be able to do is just wonder,

Was I there enough?

Speak to them enough?

Show them that we care?

Enough.

No sad sulking tears,

No,

Not for the loved ones,

But our fears,

As we drown the mounds of our frowns,

And lay to rest the people we miss now,

We may start to hear sounds,

Its them speaking,

Telling us to stop drinking,

Do more thinking,

“You’ll find that beginning.”

I can still hear,

The ones we love and miss so dear,

They feel so near,

Maybe I’m in the wrong gear,

Need to shift,

Perspectives,

I’m invested,

I’ve Ingested,

Many maddening motivations,

Molded by monopolized,

People,

Ones talked about too much.

Maybe I’m too stuck,

On the girl I want to fuck,

And the thoughts I try to duck.

But I’m in luck,

With such a wonderful view,

I’m up to nothing that’s new,

But now this poem is quite…

Through.


NV. – written on June 20th, 2018 started @ 9:57 p.m. finished @ 10:30 p.m.

Just found myself in unable to obtain something truly wanted. Dealing with the fatigue of wonder and regret, not for anything major, but some small decisions that led to an inability to obtain said thing, with is more of an experience than a thing, but that’s irrelevant at this point. Just, take it from me, try to set goals you can obtain, don’t lead yourself into temptations that are inaccessible obligations. It can lead to this thing we call disappointment, I like to think of it as, failure to achieve expectations. But this is where I shall contradict myself, I try to not dwell or let my mind contract any, misleading, sad, obstructing or unsatisfactory feelings, thoughts or emotions. This is almost impossible for anyone of course, but in this case, I’m a bit caught up in mental states I’d rather feel the comfort in being able to overcome, but I can’t. I’m bummed, disappointed and have found a lack of achievement towards an expected experience…this poem is the result of me trying to put that…mindset into words. I suppose besides explaining here, but I don’t think I was aware of all of this until after the poem, funny how expression brings us closer to our problems and solutions…have a nice day. – S.F.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Rant #1


This World is fucking terrifying,
It terrifies me,
The terror tearing through the broken streets,
Broken dreams and hopeless needs,
Hopelessly hoping we
Happen to,
Find some peace.
In a World this fucked up and fearful,
Get an earful of a lust filled,
Feeling that must spill,
Into the lines when I’m seeing the signs,
Signed by demons that find time,
Into my right mind and my left mind,
Gotta split this brain into two just to think fine.
Do i seem fine?
Fine, tell me, is it the stress lines?
No?
It’s this World right?
We humans can’t get this world right tight together,
We miss the point of being remembered,
Do you remember?
The last time people on this planet could stand it?
Cant begin to imagine a place where their passion,
Is issued like texts books instead of a fashion,
Fashioned ways of teaching, reaching out to children,
Seeming to forget what it means to find meaning,
In life, you get one shot, Eminem said it best,
One openly oppressed opportunity to give workin a rest.
See, this started with worldly issues, now im searchin for a tissue,
My situation isnt changing, im sustaining.
Gaining knowledge everyday like the books are fucking raining.
This is lame see,
I’m making a damn fool of myself,
You wanna see whats on my shelf?
Not gold bars or platinum stars, no.
Shit written about stars,
The people and planets, all forms of philosophy,
And shit you cant manage,
I can manage to manipulate my words with written burns
Verbally abusing the right read my shit out loud to say
“Hey, Your story is preat great”
But if you can’t participate is something really fuckin great,
Then wait,
Determine your future in the future, cause future you will know a thing or two.
A thing more than you think you do,
One day you will know this too,
At that point you will sing this through.
Singing,
“This World is fucking terrifying”
“It terrif…”…”no, this world is freaking true.”
Dark at time when there seems to be no rules,
Written to tell what to do,
Next, but then, anxiety takes over, fucks you up,
Has you tucked up, under the covers searching for mother.
You start to feel smothered by the World that gives wonder,
To the times when the sounds outside seem like thunder,
Thundering down lightning to my mind to create cracks,
And crevices creeping through my memories.
But the sounds are not there,
its this World that you fear,
When the demons get near,
You start to forget your cheer and exsist with your tears.
Tearing streams down your face fast paced,
Like if you stop all the crying youd be lieing,
When inside it feels like your dieing.
Im sorry, things always take this dark turn,
I dont know why,
If I think and try to learn,
It will be me who will cry.
I’m just a regular guy,
But when I look to the sky, I see my future arise,
As high as the sun rise when the moon dies.
And in a World that seems like it wont try,
I guess I’ll just give it some time.


NV. – written on April 24th, 2018 started @ 2:33 a.m. finished @ 3:06 a.m.

Just for context, I had no idea where this was going, not when I started or when I finished. Kind of cut it off at the end a bit, usually I have no idea when to end most of the stuff I post on this site, so I just force it at times. Seems like if I let some thoughts flow they would go on forever, finding the right words once typed out in front of my weird wondering brain conceiving them, mmm. Anywho, just a randome collection of word up above, sounded good to my mind as I typed them out. Thanks for all the support and have a grand ole everyday.

SF.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Always Changing


I feel there is something wrong with me,
Something I may try and say to simply come clean,
Try and find a little meaning or understand the reason,
Why I can not seem to focus on one thing for more than a few weeks.

My focus falls apart at the thought of a new dream,
Even if what I’m dreaming is what someone else is seeing,
Shifting motivations towards the being they are being,
Is there an identity if I have nothing in myself for the keeping?

The problem is that I dont understand if this is wrong,
Is it alright if the life I live isnt the one I have walked upon,
Can I wear anothers shoes and maybe wear them for too long,
Find them within you and get a bit inspired to write a book or sing a song.

I want to change my face as frequent as I find possible,
Re-write my story every day as if that were plausable,
I wont let what the world would wonder when I am unstoppable,
Get between becoming a dream and being beautifully believable.

I start to think that even you can feel it too,
When you read, write, see, think ,hear, or do,
Something new or crazy and then feel it becoming a part of you,
Thats the flux flowing for me that is founding some issues.

Maybe I am just caught up in something sad at the moment,
Can we even tell if its us or anothers ones motive,
If you are well connected consciously and you know it,
Then you might be able to build better bonds between bits.

There is peace to be pondered in all this potential,
Forging our own paths has been found famously essential,
We have so much to learn with information so torrential,
But as we change remember to keep your insight intentional.

That problem inside me is no longer seen badley,
Through this express I have conquered it gladley,
Even if all this rambling seems dangrously maddening,
It just seems to be the thing to help me in happening.

Almost ended this earlier when my mind wasn’t right,
Now that I’m here this seems so much more nice,
Arriving at truths through honesty and life,
Has brought me the bliss bouncing iside me so bright.

So keep changing and dreaming into all that you’re thinking,
Life will move meteoricly with you barley even blinking,
That spells for a story worth hearing while drinking,
Just find time to tackle that which has you sinking.


NV. – written on April 16th, 2018 started around 12:30 a.m. finished @ 1:45 a.m.


Thank you for any and all support, criticism, or feedback. This is how we make the world a better place, we help each other become better, learn from one another and see the beauty in collaboration. The societies some of us come from try to keep creative people apart or form beliefs to distrust one another. This can change with the ability to see ourselves in one another, we are all part of one chain of exsistance and by sharing life with eachother, we can inherently make life better for others as well. There is too much pain in the world not to listen to people so I thank you for reading this and anything in the world that may something change your point of view on life. Have a nice day.