Poem things

Unintended Pain

Your heart wasn’t worth breaking,

If I’m not mistaken,

I played and I changed and I stayed,

And I made as much as I could,

To withstand all that we should,

But I failed and I failed and I failed.

To commit to the consequences,

To believe in things that mattered,

Rather I continued to dismantle,

Ever foundation that had their chances,

To withstand the demand,

Of my poor choices,

Turned out I turned our feelings into noises.

I’m sorry for never knowing what was next,

Making moments turn to demons,

And letting my ignorance be at its best.

I never meant to break your heart,

I never meant to fail right from the start,

The pain you still likely feel is as real,

As every emotion that I still try to kill.

I’m consumed by the fact that I will,

Forever and always just be this moment,

That you never should have had to feel.

My intentions were faltered,

I can’t blame it on age,

Inexperience,

Lack of understanding,

Or rage.

I need to accept that it was my simple ways,

Inability to read you and help your bad days.

On top of the changes that I should have made.

At this point it’s worthless,

To apologize or wait,

For retribution,

Confusion,

Or a chance to close space.

Just know that I never meant to,

Cause you this pain.

SF- 1-14-19

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Poem things

Gasping


My heart keeps beating,

But no longer for me,

It beats for all of thee,

People who say my death,

Would cause them misery.

I live for the need,

Of feeling what I hope to be,

Is closer than the horrors in my history,

I’m afraid I am no longer free,

I’m held down by my roots,

That extend down from my family tree,

I have no “Me”,

Just a visionary’s sculpture,

Of what they can see,

A creation for someone else’s glee.

Like I’m living but not alive,

So far away from life,

That I forgot what it’s like,

To be motivated,

Concentrated,

Or meditative,

But yet I’d say it’s just complicated,

I can not take this,

No longer for no reason,

I have to keep on believing,

That by keeping on,

I can keep on dreaming,

That this pain won’t last,

And this change will pass,

I can master my bad habits,

Then change my path,

After all it’s but a matter of fact,

By staying conscious for them,

I can feel freedom again,

Maybe enjoy some friends,

Or create new ends,

By the end of this poem,

Maybe this pain will mend.


NV. – written on September 17th, 2018

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Pipe Dreams


I have become molded by mistakes,
misevaluate heartaches,
And mundane smoke breaks,
Find my peace in the moments I take,
From finding passions,
To accepting madness,
How’d this happen?
Can’t blame my mattress,
For all the sleep I’ve been lacking,
Cant fall into my pipe dream,
Roll another joint,
And the bong,
Keep on packing,
That’ll help me,
Got a little stoned,
Now the sounds aren’t so saddening,
Just keep on tapping,
Into the beliefs that will serve thee,
End all the misery please,
It does not help me.
It is the pipe dreams that I set free,
That simply feed the lovely lightning,
Cracking down my splintered spine,
From the demanding depths of my mind,
It just takes time,
This I know,
It’s damn near my human right,
To try and fight the weaker parts of life,
Then take flight,
As I relight my pipe,
Reimagine grief and spite,
Into better insight,
This feels just right,
Tickling the terrors of the night,
So they can no longer take mine,
Building barriers to the breaking,
Banishing,
Berating,
Bullshit brainwashed battering,
Bountifully blasted back,
As we tell the predecessor,
My thoughts,
I will not take those attacks,
No longer will I be the aftermath,
Of a mind that couldn’t take crap,
Or a being that has met his cap,
Need to relax,
Take a toke,
No,
That’s a joke,
Need to tie this mind up,
Choke,
I am broke,
But no longer alone,
Seem to have woke,
From the discussion I wrote,
These aren’t poems,
They are prayers,
They are promises,
Ode to John Denver,
I hope to not stop this,
Gather momentum,
Motivation,
And match this,
Life with the greatest,
The famous,
The ones who made it,
For changes,
For greatness,
For blameless,
Gratification and satisfaction,
That is the situation,
Going to follow these pipe dreams,
Until I find what I need,
In this life that I lead,
I’ll find what I need,
In the depths of my pipe dreams.


NV. – written on July 8th, 2018 started @ 3:22 p.m. finished @ 4:24 p.m.Just a little nonsensical rhyming, please share a like, follow or even share this shit, I’d appreciate it 🙂 – SF.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Uncategorized

Words #1 (basically unnamed)


This crazy taming of my name,

Reliving cycles as they claim,

Territories in my brain,

Causing me to take some shots,

While no one else is in the game.

This isn’t about the way that we are made,

It’s about the way we make our change,

The way we seek to make our gains,

Everybody’s a little different,

Yet we’re from the same damn place.

Systematically separating social situations,

Tormented tones touch tiny intimidation’s,

Reading right around rambling renovations,

Leads long lost lethargic ill logic,

Back bounding bravely beyond bitter intentions.

Let’s make sense of less pretentious power,

While bleeding dreams into flowers,

Seeking grace and simplicity isn’t sour,

As you learn to find yourself,

Then make use of every hour.


NV. – written on June 19th, 2018 started @ 3:25 p.m. finished @ 3:49 p.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Mad Libs

Residing within our contemplations,

Reminiscing during conversations,

Congregations,

Can’t contain the situations,

Salivating over somber intuition,

While on a conquest towards inhibition,

Are these introverted individual indecision’s?

Maybe convoluted convenient corrections,

Cursing the sadness left behind during madness.

Madness,

Now it’s the last thing on my list,

Madness,

Seems a whole lot like mad libs,

Filling empty spaces with random combinations,

Of funny things to envision.

Now I’m fishing,

For deeper thoughts,

Longer talks,

Sunset walks,

Anything to choke down my faults.

Madness,

It’s about damn time we end this,

Madness,

Don’t know how this happened,

But I’m glad I had it,

Over turned it’s status,

Now our madness,

Is encased within happiness.

NV. – June 16th, 2018 started @ 9:30 p.m. finished @ 9:50 p.m.

You’ve just got to believe in what matters most to you sometimes. All that is meant to be will be and that is beauty at its finest, let the bad be bad, the good be great and participate in anything that makes you feel just as amazing as the feelings you’re searching for. Take care. – SF.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Thank You


How does one apologize,

For taking away all your time,

Keeping you up all those nights,

Making you think of all the lies,

It wasn’t right.

It wasn’t okay,

I just wasn’t in a good place,

Then I brought you down,

Dragged you with me,

To those places I never wanted to be.

Lonely and limiting,

Lifeless and diminishing,

It wasn’t right,

It wasn’t okay,

So how do I find a way to say,

Thank you for every single day,

That you found a way to stay,

By my side,

Even during times I wasn’t payed.

But it wasn’t right,

I always thought you were okay,

Not empty, sad and taking a tole,

My focus had left our souls,

Where was I to support your goals,

When I was gaming for days,

With no life or no role,

You needed me then,

And all I did was just fold.

But thank you,

For every second of patience,

Every moment of stasis,

Going back through the bases,

Helping me re-tie my laces,

In life,

I wasn’t right,

But you were the one who,

Made it livable during that time.

I should have been there for you,

Not consumed with my gloom,

Never should have stayed in that room,

With all we’d been through.

Is that true?

Without that sequence,

I could not create this,

Could not foresee how to resist,

The parts of us that should not exist,

Then turn back around,

To rewrite this for bliss.

It wasn’t right,

It wasn’t okay.

But,

Know that I thank you,

You are my saving grace.

You saved me from that place,

Saved me from those ways,

As you taught me how to change,

How to live with space,

For that I thank you.

I hope you learned something too.

If so,

I’d love to hear it real soon.


NV. – written on May 30th, 2018 started @ 8:27 p.m. finished @ 9:15 p.m.

You know when you can’t find the right words for so many things, things left unsaid, unknown or unexcused. A way to say not sorry, hardly any “sorry” is very effective. But when you want to say thank you to someone for dealing with a very low energy, low vibration version of yourself, all during a time when that individual needed support and care more than the other. Sometimes there are no words for those moments, those memories. Many times we are left to bury those parts of our lives as we are seldom to find people to truly communicate these feelings with or to. We hurt people in life often when we least know it, when we were are so very focused on what we have at hand. Taking for granted to love, comfort, company and opportunity for connection that special someone is offering. We may not all experience this from either end. But if you do, know people can change or at least at some point, recognize those poor choices from a new angle, one unblinded by lack of perception, experience or corruption of motivations. We all have so many things to attend to at times, just never forget to attend to the person loving you the most. Because when you loose that person, you loose every opportunity for both life and love, but also every chance to make things right, to appreciate the sacrifices they make for you during rough times. You loose everything from with them, whether you can recognize every aspect or not. You will someday. So cherish that loved one, don’t forget what they do for you or how much they care. I’d hate anyone to feel the pain from that kind of loss. Thanks for reading, I wish love upon all of you. We all need a bit of it. – SF.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Distracted


Too unsuccessful to make a stand,

Too undefined,

so people laugh.

Uncultured,

Uneducated,

Under appreciated.

Like the future I made up,

Take up,

A bit of space,

in the time that you put on make up,

Think of me,

before you wake up.

Now change up,

To be a little less ridiculous,

I use to be in class,

Sit in back,

Nod my head,

From staying up all night,

Thinking of her and how we use to fight,

It wasn’t right,

But we can’t relive the past,

So why wait for change,

Why live too fast?

It doesn’t change the past.

When all you want is to go back,

Take a chance,

Flip your stance,

But there are too many paths,

To be stuck on that.

What happened to the dreams,

The kind that gave hope to reality,

The kind we could share,

Feel the similarity in the streams,

Of our consciousness,

Is just our connectedness,

That keeps on correcting this,

Path thats so damn distant,

It’s ripped into this system,

Your soul runs wild within it,

It’s kickin,

I wasn’t make to be single,

But when you’re gone I’m not free,

It can’t be said so simply,

But you are just a part of me.

So while you stay absent,

I’ll stay stagnant,

Yours forever,

Not during the instant,

The moments your present,

But always and all day,

It’s just in my instincts.

This is ok,

I’ll say it again and again,

Until the end of my own days.

Yours forever,

This heart won’t change,

Not ever,

It’s the love for you I put into truth,

Using it to change me too,

Just to try and get through,

These times without you.

But I’m yours forever,

Can’t seem to remember,

A day without fearing,

that you might forget,

Just how passionate I planned this,

How damn dedicated I’ve been,

That, I think you’ll get.

If you don’t,

Then it is what it is,

At least I have this,

To exists with you,

Bitch.

You know I still love you,

But it is what it is,

Can’t change how my mind works,

But I can change how this ends.

Find a way to make it blend,

With the beginning,

The bends,

But like before,

It ends on her breath,

Surrounding my neck,

As the thought of her whispers,

Into the depth of my death,

Is it here yet,

The end?

I’m not sure,

But I’m yours forever,

Maybe that’s how this ends?


NV. – written on May 24th, 2018 started @ 3:56 p.m. finished @ 4:18 p.m.

May have started with an introspective, bashing, kinda, I’m not good enough type of mindset. To be honest I was sitting in my outhouse, utilizing its essential purpose. So I started typing, reasons why I may not be where I want to be, then it hit me as the words were flowing that it usually boils down to wanting to be back in that place where love starts to race around, make life all sorts of upside down and flipped around. The kind where you start to think everything is right where it needs to be but then BAMMM, you’re hit with passionate fighting and disagreements while finding reasons to be individuals, I don’t know. We all want heartfelt passion and someone who cares about us unconditionally. But me, I want what she presented, a love like fucking fire, it wasn’t easy, hardly breezy, but at the end of the day I knew there was something to be cherish, not something normal. But a type of relationship where the growing can only happen consciously because the energies are so entwined that you feel when they aren’t happy, you sense when you’re doing them wrong or may be hurting them, that’s learning, unpredictable love. It isn’t perfect, but it was enough. That’s all, I need a break from fantasy, because as you can see. It’s still just me, writing about a girl I can’t seem to make happy anymore. That’s ok, I want her happy, if that means being free, than so be it. But I won’t change my feelings or hide them, that’s unhealthy and that’s just not me. – SF.

P.s. – I don’t mean to write about that part of my life or that part of anyone’s life. But sometimes you just can’t help but let your mind flow. Hope it isn’t too, whiny or whatever, just being me as much as possible. Maybe you like it, maybe it’s annoying, maybe people think I should grow up. Fuck that, you do you and I’ll do me, hopefully, we can each reach each other and find a way to grow and learn from these parts of ourselves. Thanks for being here, thank you for reading and maybe getting a sense of my mind, or parts of it. I hope we can relate and converse someday about it all. Love you humble human beings…and the not so humble ones, we are all in this together.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Mending


Broke my body,
so I mend my head,
exersise the things inside my mind that make me glad,
Reveal unknown truths about you and I,
Turn around the feelings we feel right now,
Feel alive for the moment and sit back down,
Calm your thoughts and complications,
Disassociate the distractions,
While reacting to the actions,
Of a master of being plastered,
Im a dissaster,
or maybe just too revealing of what I think,
Let that sink in,
That insecurity of wheather I should say this or if someone else has said it better,
Forget it, let it go for the moment that you’re owning,
Loose control when the world has you whirling,
Winding around a wheel of emotional impressions,
And the interpretations of the people present with the sessions,
Discussing what is known and what is not for the sake of instructions,
To instruct another with the wonder we’re all blessed with,
Connect with your connections and create a new consciousness,
Never limit one another by the definitions that we’re dressed in,
Now meditate for the sake of seeking grace or some greetings,
From the deepest parts of you and the way you think the world is,
Find answers to things you didnt know you were asking,
And reacting with passion and positivity while you just keep on basking,
Flow with the rhythm that keeps the memories drifting,
Allow for new thoughts and new things to start shifting
Somber seductions of your own mind will guide you through the process,
Releaving all of your problems,
Leaving you entraced in the nonsense.
make some sense of the things that we may sense,
To interpret our reality and change it without formality
Forming functions better than bad habits and duality,
But through this discussion we can assume reprecution,
I’ll amend with the systems when I want to try and function.
Fun things are found more frequent now than ever before,
Lifes doors have opened for new people and places,
This is true for any being that seeks that same truth,
Trust when I say this can happen for you.


NV. – written on May 7th, 2018 started @ 12:06 a.m. finished @ 12:46 a.m.

Poem things, Rants and Thoughts

Rant #2 – with context deal at the end


Terrible timing for the timeline lighting the way towards the dreams we’ve been hiding,
Hide away from the thoughts that are keeping us from shining,
Shine bright through the night as you stay awake without trying,
Try imagining the life that keeps you constantly smiling,

Need a little hope, then turn away from the wrong kind,
Of people and places draining the good parts of your mind,
Theres a message in the passage to the parts that you cant find,
And a way to the goals in this world thats been pre designed.

We can exist with one another and let the moments simply slip by,
Feeling nothing that is wanted but simpley accepting what is felt right,
Living for nothing more than what we experience will be just fine,
Giving in to all that flows and comes to mind in this tickle of time.

We may ramble, stumble or fall into our ideas, goals and dreams,
Talk for fifteen hours straight with nothing to pressure how it seems,
We can figure out something new or realize the past or scream,
But after all is said and done, we can all become everything.


NV. – written sometime between April 15th, 2018 and May 6th, 210 @ 11:20 p.m.

Uhh, not a whole lot to say about this one, it may speak for itself to some, other it might not. Im not sure if it even speaks to me yet, I wrote the dang piece of words and lines. But yet, it seems distant to me, anywho. This is a rant but done with rhymes I suppose, Im no expert in using the English format of communication to express ones internal feelings or thoughts or beings that happen sometimes…uhh but, Id like to say that I do enjoy exsisting with others, letting life flow without paying attention to the way others think it should or shouldn’t. Appreciating and accepting who ever may be gifting me with there presence and thus try to elevate eachother in anyway. Let that be through sit down conversations, walks and talks, musical jam sessions(limited to ones experience and time spent with available instruments), outdoor activities, what im getting at is that your life and my own can be open to anything and everything. We can become, experience and live how ever we’d like and I think thats beautiful. Too long and frequent do we pay our attention to distractions, delusions and drama, when in reality the more you that you are you and the less like others you spend time observing, the more you will find that we are all one in the same, just at different stages, places, and parts of our own story lines. But that doesnt mean we have to oppose one another for those differences, its ok to accept someone for who they are regaurdless of what they seem like. Its tough to do at time but I can assure you that in this context…that little thing will open your life up a bit, allowing you to be what is you seek or see what you dream. Thanks for being here, hope you share a comment or question if you are still here with this train of my conciousness. -SF.


Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

Shaved


Shaving faces,
Tied my laces,
To change places,
Or change paces,
Have no car,
For the races.

Hit a tree,
With my truck,
Have our lives,
Thanks to luck,
I dont get it,
What the fuck?

Why the chances,
Why the stances,
Dont even know the dances,
Keeping track of the stats and,
Forgetting what has happened,
Can you even call this rappin?

Probably not,
But thanks alot,
Ill stay on top of,
the bad habits that I really need to stop,
Find a better way to be,
So I dont totally flop this.

I apologize for the times I failed,
Flailed my arms and whaled,
as I turned around and tucked my tail,
Theres no excuse for winding up in jail,
After 7 hours drinking then driving veiled,
It would only be my fault if we had been killed.

Now I can only move towards,
Simpler ways to move forward,
Using more than just four words,
To get my thoughts out and soar or,
Do more than just squander
The only life I can ponder.

Im trying to get back on track,
Before my life gets out of wack,
Gotta learn to attack,
All the issues at hand,
Not the bottle I cant handle,
But this life that we’re all in.

Get serious and just fall in,
Find the sin within to get rid,
Do whats right and just fit with,
Any person or place,
That come across as you chace,
To be one with the world and live in its space.


NV. – writen on April 24th, 2018 started @ 1:45 p.m. finished @ 2:58 p.m.

Shaved my…roughly 2 inch long mustache off today in light on needing some change in my life, I shall grow it back out this fall or late summer for any wondering. There was a picture of me up at an earlier point, but a face isnt necessary for a blog, with all that said…this is the result. Thank you for reading and any other forms of interaction had here, hope you enjoy and be sure to check out the others as well, share a thought if you aren’t afraid. Toodles. – SF.