Poem things

Moving on

1:15 pm


Today I thought about deleting all your pictures,
Not that I liked that thought,
When I saw them I could see our memories like scriptures,
But I think I’ve had enough.

Held on to your ghost now for three cycles around our Sun,
Do you know what the hurts most?
Whenever I was having fun you were finding ways to run,
And now of you I’ll never know.

Moving on is all my friends have wanted for me,
For at least a decades time,
But I choose to keep my heart from beating free,
While I dove down in my mind.

I can see the future much clearer now,
and I’m always asking why?
Could I have wanted to keep on loving her,
Even once my soul had died?


1:55 pm 05-27-2021 _ SF.

Poem things

Creating

2:38 pm

Why does it feel like I am dying,
In the times that I’m not writing,
Drawing,
Building,
Dreaming,
If I’m not Fulfilling,
This tension that sets my intentions.
My broken and beaten body,
Will have to guide me,
My mind,
My life,
My time,
Is not being used right,
As I wander through aimless ponders.
This pain that always grows,
Will have to wait to know,
This grief,
This belief,
This relief,
This is exsisting as an excruciating need,
Because as I fail to bring you new creations,
I find failure in the death of all my damnations.

S.F. _ 05/24/2021 _ 2:53 pm

Poem things

Split

1:15 am

Why does my mind seem seemingly split,
At this point I will just accept this bit,
There’s nowhere to belong,
No goal to livelong,
As I try not to forget myself,
I hope I can be quite headstrong.

And my mind is usually using risk,
Its about time that I make peace with this,
Whenever I’m gone,
Or expressing all wrong,
I will be right beside you,
Like I’ve been all along.

But I feel my mind loosely loosing grip,
By now I should be fine with it,
No matter how long,
How independently strong,
My motivations all end,
Like the last beat of a song.

S.F. – 05_25_2021 – 1:40 am

Poem things

Learning

8:15 pm

I’ve been binge drinking,
Willfully,
Unwisely,
Its unlikely,
That I’ll end this pattern nicely.

My time is most spent thinking,
Deeply,
Increasingly,
Creating more and more,
Neurological connections kindly.

I often seek the epitome of greatness,
Nervously,
Mistakenly,
Most definitely with a will,
That will always guide me corectly.

8:34 pm – S.F. – 05/15/2021

Poem things

Let us Sleep

You fucking own my dreams,
Could you please,
Give them back to me.
I cannot sleep,
With out seeing,
Your fucking face,
Endlessly.

This is not a poem,
But it is a plea,
For just one night,
Could you set me free.
Let me dream,
Please let me sleep,
Peacefully.

You told me to leave,
You shut me out,
Now you own my mind,
Without a doubt.
What was my crime,
To deserve this right,
I just want to sleep,
For one whole night.

SF. 03-13-2021 _ 9:30 a.m.

Poem things

Forget Me

I haven’t been the best to myself,

It’s been rough since you left,

Scorn decisions,

Poor resistance,

Torn persistence,

More constrictions,

Have me barley breathing baby,

You dance through my dreams daily,

Frolicking through this rotting reality,

But not even you could save me,

And if you haven’t already,

You’ll soon forget me.

So I’ll write you these confessions,

Try to take loosing you as a lesson,

Even if it’s just my mind melting,

All the little lies remembering,

There’s no more time to recover,

No more ways I can love her.

So I’ll remember what I can,

Rebuild this man that I am,

Seek a greater purpose,

Leave this mentality with a circus,

Turn these motives into bliss,

Remind myself that it’s not only you I miss.

Because…

I haven’t been the best to myself,

It’s been rough since you left,

Scorn decisions,

Poor resistance,

Torn persistence,

More constrictions,

Have me barley breathing baby,

You dance through my dreams daily,

Frolicking through this rotting reality,

But not even you could save me,

And if you haven’t already,

You’ll soon forget me.

Because…

I haven’t been the best to myself,

It’s been rough since you left,

Scorn decisions,

Poor resistance,

Torn persistence,

More constrictions,

Have me barley breathing baby,

You dance through my dreams daily,

Frolicking through this rotting reality,

But not even you could save me,

And if you haven’t already,

You’ll soon forget me.


S.F. – 07/23/2020 – 2:15 a.m.

Poem things

The Premise of Potential

This search is never ending,

A yearning for purpose,

With no assurance for the premise of a future with potential,

No promise of a possible solution for seclusion.

It’s a thirst of sorts,

The type of hunger that contorts,

That forces you to abort more than you ought to believe you can absorb.

It’s often adored,

Brought aboard when other desires are doomed to be ignored,

I implore that this comes at me like a horde,

As if I can take flight and let the yearning inside me just soar.

No more shall I wait for such fantasies to be torn,

I won’t mourn as I find my mental fortitude to be scorned.

No more shall I wait and wallow as I swallow the seeds of thought found in things I ought to respect as not only just bought,

But sought out and caught from things I suspect to have been taught.

It’s not that I feel lost,

It’s not that I feel at a loss,

Or trapped in a glossed over rudimentary series of misplaced implications,

Only proposed to sit in sanctions.

I feel a ferocious foundation of feasible fallacies,

Informalities set to distract my mind from greater intricacies.

Simple thought patterns and weaknesses wrapped around unobtainable peacefulness,

I yearn for a greatness that can take the place of my wastefulness,

But I fear that I will convolute the convection that I truly try to concentrate upon,

Torment my connections and collect the correlation between what I want and what I can actually graze upon,

I just yearn for something real,

Something I don’t feel as though I have to steal but can truly forge in myself like a beam forged from steel.

I just yearn for clarity,

A self set charity for internal prosperity,

Or maybe just a simple nights rest,

A night with a dream that I know won’t eternally be better than the rest.

That would effectively be what is best.

S.F. – 02/16/2020 – 7:00 A.M.

Poem things

Train of Thought

Why are these always the same,

It’s either a poem about you,

Or a poem about pain.

Doing this should bring me to shame,

Although they’re my truths,

They lead me towards nothing I’ll gain.

At this point it’s not even a game,

After everything you’d been through,

It’s time I take all the blame.

These repetitions are probably lame,

Thoughts of seeing you soon,

Simply drive me insane.

This fantasy can no longer sustain,

I’m done playing the fool,

It is time to get off of this train.

S.F. – 02/10/2020 – 8:20 p.m.

Poem things

A Little Lost

I’m still thinking about all the shit we’ve been through,

Although seeing you is no longer a truth,

I was trapped in my thoughts,

Too high to be committed,

To all the thing I’ll be missing,

Couldn’t settle down or just fucking listen,

Had a temper that lasted only a minute,

Only a minute.

Being too focused on living in the moment,

Caused me to look past the love I should have been showing,

I was living slow but that’s no reason to talk shit,

All those mistakes are really making me feel sick,

Making me feel sick now.

You were the one but I treated you wrong,

Had way too big of a head,

Now I’m just singing sad songs,

Couldn’t give you what was yours all along,

A little bit of space,

Or all of my time,

Now instead of holding you,

I’ll be holding these rhymes.

Maybe I’m all wrong and these aren’t the facts,

But I had you first while you had my heart last,

Treated you like shit,

Pulled you out of your class,

Made myself look like a total ass,

But what it means now is that I’m hitting the gas,

Running 2,000 miles away to forget the past.

To try and forget the past.

Yet it’s all right here with me,

There’s no way to escape,

I still think about the times that were all really great,

It might be a joke or pathetic at least,

But holding on to them is my only form of release.

Nothing I can do will bring me back to you,

You put up a wall after all of those fights,

Told me not to call,

Probably blocked me too,

But when it’s all said and done I’m still in love with you,

Still in love with your smile and the way you’d look through,

Most of my faults or the wrongs I would do,

Now it’s up to you to see that my hate wasn’t true,

It was just a reaction to when I was loosing you,

When I was loosing you.

SF – 09-06-2019 @ 6:00 a.m.

Poem things

Relevancy

I still see you while I’m sleeping,

I still feel you,

Although I’m fleeing,

Fleeing from fears formed through forgotten failures,

Fears that are no longer present,

Yet your presence is now more than prominent.

It’s been close to year since you cut those ties,

Casted shadows over what you thought were lies,

I may have been wrong in what went on,

May have sang all the wrong songs,

But what you knew and I know,

Have been different all along.

You stole from me the very thing I loved true,

By ridiculing me through and through,

Now I sit here 2000 miles away,

Still hoping I’ll see you some day,

Is that crazy?

Am I still forsaken by your individuality,

Or am I still stuck in my own washed up warped sense of this brutal reality.

I guess that’s just not up to me,

You see,

From the very beginning,

I never imagined winning you over,

I never envisioned that you’d stay,

But what we think and what we want,

Hardly ever match up anyway.

SF- 8-18-19