My heart keeps beating,
But no longer for me,
It beats for all of thee,
People who say my death,
Would cause them misery.
I live for the need,
Of feeling what I hope to be,
Is closer than the horrors in my history,
I’m afraid I am no longer free,
I’m held down by my roots,
That extend down from my family tree,
I have no “Me”,
Just a visionary’s sculpture,
Of what they can see,
A creation for someone else’s glee.
Like I’m living but not alive,
So far away from life,
That I forgot what it’s like,
To be motivated,
Concentrated,
Or meditative,
But yet I’d say it’s just complicated,
I can not take this,
No longer for no reason,
I have to keep on believing,
That by keeping on,
I can keep on dreaming,
That this pain won’t last,
And this change will pass,
I can master my bad habits,
Then change my path,
After all it’s but a matter of fact,
By staying conscious for them,
I can feel freedom again,
Maybe enjoy some friends,
Or create new ends,
By the end of this poem,
Maybe this pain will mend.
NV. – written on September 17th, 2018
