Poem things, Rants and Thoughts, Unfinished songs

10 Years


I stumble through the pictures of you on my phone,

Never keep them in one folder,

That would be too easy to delete drunk, fuck that,

I want to keep them,

See them whenever I settle for nothing better than what we had together,

Even though you went through hell and back,

Id never bet the stacks I don’t have against the love we once had,

We had the purest kind of love but the kind that you could not stand,

All those feelings you had, the feelings that felt mad,

Not angry, but crazy,

Because we went through shit we should not have,

All of those times where we got sad,

your love was the only fucking that thing I thought that I did have,

I can say that out loud and it makes me a little bit more glad,

I gave up just about every single person that came back,

Into my life when they needed me,

Abandoned them all just to find that we still couldn’t be,

Simply serious for more than a moment between breaths,

I needed your heart when you need my loves rest,

If I ever go back in time you’re damn right I would change paths,

Find a way to make you feel like the girl you wanna be known as,

Not the girl that my definition finds hopeless and broken,

So lost she don’t it know but rather control it she’s left me unknowing,

If we will ever keep growing,

This love hasn’t stopped slowing showing,

Showing submissive similes to try and create some history,

participating in the pondering while pandering about possibly,

Having not hurt you enough for you to attempt to forget about me,

The last thing you said would be,

“I don’t want anything to do with you.”

10 years down the drain, Babe, I guess I can try too.

But fuck these emotions that this part of our path puts us through,

All I wanted was peace,

Now I’m struck with the blues,

Fucking up all of these love songs that I post here for you,

As if my brain is still stuck on you too,

Not only my heart to you has been glued,

She has encapsulated my entire existence,

Not only for in this instance,

But like in our paths,

We love far in the distance.

From distractions deep in the reaction you would give me,

When Id be free for a moment you’d know that I’d be happy and simply,

Content with my friends and then you would hate me instinctively,

Find a text on my phone the next day telling me you will end this completely,

Erase me and our history now have fun while you miss we.

Is this even real, in these feelings that feel as cold as steel,

Like the coat of armor on her heart,

I start to try to peel back the plate,

To expose the parts of her heart that make her great,

It was when she loved hard that she was in the right place,

Get right up in my face when she was feeling fate,

Sweep right under her feet and drag her out the gate,

Of redemptions for the reconnection with resonating reason,

Found deep in the beliefs that being free from me would let her be,

Away from the thoughts and memories of me,

That’s just not how this works.

Even if you forget me first,

I still have every fucking picture of you to quench my thirst,

Do you even think that we will ever learn,

To take back what we’ve earned, look far away and chose to turn away,

From one another, 10 years down the road and no one stands above her,

In my mind, she’s my lover,

For now and ever,

No matter how far,

From one another,

My love will be there,

And just to be fair,

I know that she won’t care.


NV. – written on April 18th-19th, 2018 started on the 18th around 2 a.m. finish on the 19th around 12:00 a.m.

As before, I thank you for being here, supporting, criticizing, viewing, sharing, whatever you may find yourself doing before, during and after reading these blogs. I do appreciate every bit of traffic I am receiving as it definitely makes for motivation to continue in the future. This piece is an unfinished song/ spoken word poetry thing, I have worked on music/ a beat to put behind but find I lack the current skill to find the sound I am looking for. With that said, I am always open to edits, ideas, changes people would think wise, I am here to find criticism, creativity, and collaboration. Feel free to say what you’d like. This was written during and after looking through older photos of a lady I was with for a long time. Someone I am not afraid to say that I still have deep feelings for, I mean, even through pain it is hard to forget someone you shared 10 years with. Although it may seem like a bit of an obsession, these…blogs, the ones about this lady, are just my way of expressing the deeper thoughts about her inside of my head that seem easier to put out there in text, maybe someday songs if everything goes as planned. With that said, I hope that builds a bit of context around this piece and others like it. Thank you for your time here today. Feel free to ask any questions, I am happy to answer. – SF.

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